I'm an accidental blogger I have so many thoughts and stories going through my mind I decided to type them out. Sometimes I am inspirational, at times silly or even (yikes) gross. These are the thoughts running through my mind or the lessons I have learned. I tell stories of my faith, my kids, our life as foster parents, my job and being a Fashion Consultant.
Ok so I know my loyal readers are dying to know how things have been going these last 72 hours of having a brand new puppy, three cats and an adult dog. Let me tell you the positives first, it won't take as long. Molly is a sweetheart, she is cuter in person than she is in pictures. The whole family has done very well
Molly and I just minutes after we picked her up
pitching in and taking her outside. As of today I would say she is 90% house broken which is a major kudos to our breeder Jeanie because it is obvious how much they worked with her.
Now let me tell you a few little nuggets of information that I had forgotten about puppies; They are little gremlins! They are just like an eight month old baby and will find every, single, little piece of paper, lint, yarn, string, paperclip, shoelace, towel, or sock you haven't realized you needed to pick up and chew on it. Then you have to try to open their jaws and reach in dodging the needle-like teeth to get whatever they have in their mouth.
My moccasins have laces, those are now chew toys and therefore need to be put up. Sometimes, if the mood strikes her she chews on said laces while the moccasins are still on my feet. Precious. She likes hair and therefore when you are laying on the floor like say playing the Wii U Santa brought for Christmas, Molly will crawl up your back to bite you face and chew on your hair. Or clothes she isn't picky. (said person playing the Wii U could have been Anna, Allie or myself)
Puppies like to nap, I relish the times my little gremlin takes a nap because it means we don't have to constantly be following her to make sure we don't go potty in the house or find a new chew toy that is not on the approved chew toy list. After a nap we want to play and play and play in insane bursts of energy. Yesterday during what I thought was going to be a nice long puppy nap ended up being just a five minutes power nap and back at the playing she was. The best is when she falls asleep at 10:00 at night and needs to play at 10:15 p.m. So far we are lucky to get to bed at 11:00 p.m.
Anna learned that we don't feed Gremlins after 9:00 p.m. (shut up I know that it is after midnight but this is my story) because puppy will have to pee and poop within 60 to 90 minutes of consuming food. So luckily the night we learned that little lesson Anna didn't have school and we stayed up playing with Molly until we
1. Wore her out enough to finally go to sleep and;
2. Worked the poop down (what is with every one of my posts and saying the work poop?)
Allie and Molly sleeping downstairs on her first night
Molly has been sleeping the last three nights with Joe and I, right in between our heads...with Emma under the covers pressed up against Joe's legs and my cat Knoxville sleeping at my feet. Molly has done really well so far in the bed. The only down fall is the first day at 6:30 a.m Joe got up for work and took Molly out and then brought her back to me presumably to go back to sleep....NOPE it was "Let's bite Mommy's face and chew on her hair" time. So.....we got up. This morning she slept until 7:30 and woke me in the same
manner.
The cats HATE her. I know they will all get used to her eventually, Knoxville is warming up the most but (fat) Lily hisses at her. Emma (our rat terrier) was growling at her, and now just ignores her. Hopefully Emma will get excited about having a little sister and will start to play with her.
Honestly all of these little things are minor and are a good problem to have. Everyone in the house have pitched in and have loved this new little bundle of joy. When we got Emma, Joe and I worked outside the home and the care of our new puppy fell on just the two of us. PLUS, Allie was only just over a year and Anna was three. Getting a new baby when the girls are older MUCH better. We will look back someday and miss how little she was and how much trouble she used to get into.
"Mom can I go an jump on your bed?" No.
"Mom! Look at Tina's jeans! I want some of those $100.00 jeans". Ummm yeah...No.
"Mom! Allie is bothering me and she keeps copying me!! I want my own room!!" NO!!
Saying no to your children is almost a reflex. Sometimes I tend to say "no" before I've really through what it is my kids are asking for.
"Hey Mom? Can I have a-"
"No"
"..sandwich, for.... lunch?"
"Oh, well, I guess if you feel like you have to eat" Because you know when you change your mind you have to make yourself still look cool and in charge. On a side note, when did my name turn into 'Hey Mom'? First it was 'Mama', then 'Mommy', then 'Mom' now it's 'Hey Mom" I don't get it. Anyhow, I digress.
However, the answer changes when someone else asks me to do something. It doesn't matter if I loathe the person or the task I''m being asked to do. I say yes.
Here is the question: "Katie. I was wondering if you bake 3 dozen cookies for the class bake sale by tomorrow.."
Here is my actual response "Sure I don't have anything going tonight so I'll whip something up!"
What I actually wanted to or should have said "Honestly I can't I have Anna's big science project I need to help her with and I have to be up at 5:00 AM tomorrow morning. I would be happy to send some zip lock baggies through. Keep me in mind for next time."
That entire "what I should have said" monologue can be broken down do one word. "NO"
Why is it so difficult to say? Why doesn't the idea of letting someone down make me so anxious and crazy? Why does the thought of disappointing someone make me insane? However when I make these commitments and overwhelm myself my family ends up being the ones who suffer. Oh yeah and me. When I am rushing to get something down I feel myself panicing, I feel it in my chest that heaviness almost sayiing "you're not going to make it"
It's adrenaline, a product of stress, and your body's fight or flight defense. So when I do complete the task I get this rush of "AAAAAAAle-lu-ia, Al-le-lu-ia, Al-le-luuuuuu-ia!! I'm awesome!" So maybe I am adicted to being an overachiever...hmmmm good topic talk amoungst yourselves.
Through speaking to a counsuler, and to Joe as well as building up my confidence level again. I have begun to gradual say "no". I would have never thought telling someone "no". On Halloween, Joe was attending class in Cedar Rapids, so I was handling the girls on my own. They are older so it isn't like it was a HUGE deal. But I had told the girls they could trick or treat, I also told my parents we would come over so they could see the girls in their costumes and then I was going to meet our friends from the Parkersburg Fire Department for dinner. As my day played out I realized something wasn't going to work out, I didn't have enough time in my evening to get and go everywhere. So, I determined that going to my parent's house just wasn't going to work out, but the idea of telling my mom had me at near panic attack levels but I knew it just wasn't going to work out. (I know I sound insane but stay with me here) So I called my mom and gently broke the news that we weren't going to make it over that night. My mom sigh in relief and said,
"Oh good! I didn't know how I was going to get treat bags ready for them and then dinner ready because I got to work late and I hadn't gotten Halloween candy" Say what?! My mom wasn't angry with me? My mom wasn't going to sick my dad on me about upsetting my mother. My Grandma Kleiner, God rest her soul, would have been ticked off if we didn't make it for Halloween. When did my mom become so laid back and understanding???? Always. I sat down and really thought about my mom and the number of times she has freaked out on me when I couldn't do something and I could't think of a single instance. So all of this stress was in my head. So maybe....other people wouldn't freak out of me either.
So at church I was asked if the girls were going to be involved in the Christmas Eve children's service which was going on at the same time as my parent's Christmas Eve family celebration. I was considering we could leave Mom and Dad's so the girls could be in church and then drive back or the whole family could come.....No. "No. I'm sorry we are going to be at my mom and dad's to celebrate Christmas."
I did it! And the person I said no to doesn't hate me or think I'm a terrible person for not doing the Christmas program.
It is still hard to say "no" and not overwhelm myself. But our pastor said in church one Sunday, that if you are not able to commit your best then you are automatically doing your worst. Great food for thought.
I have written about my policy on making no one a stranger, to try and make friends with everyone. Well.....what if it doesn't work. I have met a number of people recently who are giving off a serious "stay away from me vibe" But I wonder how much of my insecurities are in my own mind or are they real and this new person is completely put off by me.
After shopping with my in laws we went to Allie's favorite restaurant Pizza Ranch. When we came in there was a group of black people eating we had to walk past to get to the table we choose. The women in the group were dressed to the nines, big furry and sparkly hats. After walking by them twice (to get my drink and then to get my first plate of food) I had to stop and tell the one woman who's hat I truly liked, how much I liked it. We chatted for a time but I walked away getting a good vibe from her and her family.
Later that same dining experience the girls basketball team from Kirkwood College in Cedar Rapids came in to eat. Allie had just played a basketball game that day and as we walked up to get Allie's dessert I said to her "Those are the big girls who play basketball" then I said a little louder "she just played a basketball game today" In my mind I was thinking this college age girl would turn around and say SOMETHING positive to Allie, but this girl turned around and said "oh" and continued getting her drink. I felt stupid. Luckily there was an older woman standing next to me that heard the whole conversation, she looked at me and mimicked the college girls "oh" and shook her head. In that moment that woman was a line support. My friend for a reason, because I was standing there feeling like a dummy. I thought the college girl would have at least turned around and said "Awesome!" or "Make sure you practice hard" . Maybe I caught her at a bad time. Joe later told me Kirkwood had lost and maybe this girl was in a bad mood. Our maybe...she's just not very nice.
I've joked a lot that there is no middle ground when it comes to me. You either love me or you hate me. There is no "oh yeah I know Katie...she's ok". Mmm yeah that doesn't happen. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I can get loud, tell jokes and get very animated (it's the actress in me) when I tell a story. I'm not silly all the time, I'm very loyal and a good listener.
I met a woman last night was giving off a major "stay away from me" vibe. Since I was doing a Norwex show I introduced myself and her facial expression made it very hard to continue talking to her. There were three women at this party that gave off this serious "stay away from me" vibe. I talked to some of them and I succeeded in breaking through the shell and seemed to form, at least a business rapport, with. But I could tell we weren't going to be new best friends. Maybe it was me or maybe it was them and no matter who I was or what I did this situation would have played out the same.
This last summer when I went through my depression. My social anxiety was at it's worst. I didn't want to leave the house and when I did I was so terrified of what people were thinking of me I was almost paralyzed to say anything. My mind was battling with itself:
Normal side "Go talk to Kerri, she is your friend!"
Messed up said (please read these in your mind with a raspy witch voice)"No don't talk to her, what if you say something stupid and then she will laugh at you"
"But she likes you, go ask her about..."
"Nothing, she wants to about nothing with you"
It was crippling. But with the help of medicine, a therapist, my family and God I am on the road to recovery. However, I think back to those times when I was in a social situation standing in a corner, waiting for someone to come talk to me so that I would feel like a loser, what kind of vibe was I putting out. Did I have the "stay away from me" expression on my face? Now that I am feeling better on the inside do I put out a more approachable vibe?
My lesson I have learned is this, and hopefully it can help you too. I discovered feeling miserable about yourself constantly isn't normal. Dreading going to a social event where your "comfort" people aren't going to be, to the point that you cancel going to the event. Isn't normal. Getting help from my doctor was the hardest thing i did, being the control freak I am, admitting I was out of control was almost as bad as dealing with the anxiety itself. I implore you to take that step, talk to someone. So you aren't giving out that "stay away from me vibe"
What kind of situations have you run into where people had that vibe?
Seriously. Why have women gotten the reputation as gossips, being jealous, eye scratching, hair pulling, I will cut you crazies?? Because we are. You have been in the situation, sitting around a table or in a vehicle with a bunch of ladies and here is how the conversation goes: Thelma "Oh my gosh you guys I forgot to tell you! Ok (dramatic pause) ok so I was getting my hair done and Sarah walks in and you remember how she used to be so heavy and now she has lost a ton of weight!" Andrea "like that is going to make a difference! Did you hear she got a boob job, like that's going to keep her husband from cheating" Thelma "Right!" Ok so that was blatantly mean and not a conversation I have heard. But I have heard people say: "Oh my gosh I love Rachel but...." "You know I love Sarah but...." I'm guilty of it too! I try very hard NOT to talk about other people, especially because I try to live by a policy not to say anything about another person that A) isn't true or witnessed myself B) something I wouldn't say to their face C) Gossip. I look up the definition of gossip;
casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.
A lot of times gossip is about private matters, maybe a husband's preference for the bottle, or a women's gambling problem. Gossip is normally whispered and isn't something you would want the subject to hear.
Gossip has affected me. I was hanging out on my birthday with some friends we had just started get close to. After a couple...sodas...my friends told me what another woman said about me here is what my friend told me:
Erica (my friend)" yeah we are going to hang out with Katie and Joe tonight, you guys should come"
Erin "the accused gossiper)"I don't know why you guys are hanging out with them, Katie won't stop texting my husband and is trying to get together with him. Carl is getting really mad and I am about to do something about it"
Erica "Oh, well I have never would have thought Katie would do that"
Erin "Oh yeah she texts him all the time"
When Erica told me about this my jaw had to be picked up off the floor. I got that awful, embarrassed feeling. You know the one where it feels like your face is bright red and tingly. Worst of all you feel like EVERYONE can see this look on your face. I pulled out my cell phone and handed it to her and told her I didn't even have Carl's number. I tried to explain what she said was untrue but alas....it had been put out there...
That is the problem and rumors and gossip! Once someone hears gossip about another person it taints their opinion of them. Even though I have made friends with Erin (using my you can't hate me unless I hate you first approach) I still feel like that rumor is still out and swirling around.
Here is what the Bible says about gossip in Psalm 101:5 "Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy. Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart I will not endure." We can feel it in our heart of hearts whispering and gossiping about each other is wrong. But we all still do it, myself included.
Growing up my parents always told me the age old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" That is a nice motto, but it's bologna. Words do hurt! Women, why do we insist on bringing each other down to make ourselves feel better? There is a woman I have known for over a year. I've never been really close to her because anytime I see her she seems as though she is REALLY angry. She is putting out this serious "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" vibe. Over the last year I have had pleasant conversations with her, then I will see her in a different situations the vibe is back. I determined very recently, she is shy and seems to not do well in large group settings. It's very similar to what I had been dealing with in regards to my social anxiety. Now I wonder what kind of vibe I was sending out. Because as I was sitting in
I really searched my soul recently and tried to deal with the green monster that is jealousy.
If a man doesn't like another man he doesn't go around talking about how ugly Gary's shoes are or how that top make Larry look fat. No guys just ignore the ones they don't like. If there is someone who happens to be a jerk or maybe a dork fish (watch this Bill Engval video I can't take credit for coining the word dork fish) out of the bunch the guys I know just ignore them or rib them to their face. They tell Larry that he is being a jerk. Or they tell Don he's kind of a dork fish.
This is Molly, the cocker spaniel puppy I haven't even met yet, but I am completely in love with. My husband, Joe, and my stepson, Kyran, went to Cedar Rapids, Iowa to meet her while Anna and I had the stomach flu. Yes we were plagued with that awful fast moving, feel like you are going to die, virus details of which have been locked and sealed never to be shared with another soul.
I digress back to the puppy. So I had picked out a girl that I thought was cute and wanted Joe to check her out. After he met all three girls he and Kyran decided on this shy little girl. Joe said it reminded him of of when we picked out Emma, our rat terrier. We walked up to this pen of puppies and this herd of them came running up to the fence and in the back was our little Emma. Her litter mates were jumping up the fence as if saying "Pick me!! Pick me!!" and in the back Emma flopped down like Eeyore "Here I am. You're not going to pick me but..."
Molly 5 weeks
So Joe told me Molly was just like that. Her sisters were jumping all over Kyran and Joe and little Molly just laid there. Joe said that's how he knew she was the one. On their way home Joe and Kyran figured out the name Molly and it was one of the ones the girls and I were talking about.
Molly 7 weeks
She is playful
Joe had to take a class in Cedar Rapids where he had to stay down their all week. On a night he didn't have anything to do he took a little side trip to see our new girl. As you can see she is growing by leaps and bounds. Waiting for her to become available is like waiting for a real baby to be born. Any other animal we have gotten it was a spontaneous decision, and let me tell you we have made plenty of those. We currently have three cats and our dog Emma.
The entertainment in our house, a laser pointer
Emma is almost nine, then we have Oliver (6) a beautiful long haired black cat the girls and I picked out at the Human Society in Waterloo. Then we added (fat) Lily (5) to the group, she is on antidepressants to keep her from peeing on the rug in the laundry room. No, I'm serious, apparently she is traumatized from a bladder infection and these anti-depressants keep her peeing in the cat box. (fat) Lily is also on a diet because she was tipping the scales at whopping 18 pounds, when she runs down the hall her fat sways to and fro. We feed the "herd" at 9 and 9 and the will remind you when it is time.
Last but not least we have Knoxville. The kitten we found wandering around Marion County Park in Knoxville, Iowa when we were camping three years ago. It was about to storm so I gave this sweet baby shelter in our pop up camper, for three days. I was planning on re-homing him....but he is now an Egloff.
So to say the least our already interesting life is about to get that much more interesting. We haven't had a puppy for almost nine years. I'm not sure we are prepared for the sleepless nights of crate training or the potty training and let's not forget the million accidents on the floor. But Joe and I decided now was the time, before we got new carpet and reupholstered our furniture, let's get the puppy stage over with. Plus we have kids old enough to help. So say a little prayer and think of us Saturday night when the Egloff's are getting ZERO sleep.
Tis the season of giving. Christmas morning Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, God's ultimate gift to us, His son who would live a perfect life among the people and would be crucified. I ask the question, how many of you are really discussing the true meaning of this holiday? I'm not just talking about Christians, but Jews, Mormons, Muslims (which are followers of the Islam religion)? These religions worship God ,called Ala by the Muslims, yes it is the same God we talk to they just call it something different, yes the same God we as Christians pray to. But even those who aren't religious there is a special magic in the air that makes us want to be a little nicer. (or become a total crazy "I hate all these people in Wal-Mart at the same time kind of scrooge, but this is my story so we are going the sunshine and rainbows approach...mmmkay?) These special miracles are the reason we give gifts to the ones we love, the reason we put money into the red bucket for the bell ringers, the reason we buy extra toys or clothes for a child in need.
But today with people falling away from their respective churches they are really forgetting the true meaning of this holiday season. Parents are going out of control with the number of gifts their children receive, children get the gifts whether they have been good or rotten all year long. A big fat man in a red suit miraculously flies around the word, delivering presents to deserving boys and girls. I drank that Kool-Aid too and I gave it to my daughters and Kyran. But we didn't put ALL the focus on Santa, we made sure they new why we celebrated Christmas, how much better it was to give than receive. They love the magic of Christmas and I loved watching them believe so whole heartedly in someone they have never seen before. The same way my children believe in God.
My brother, Kris and sister, Beth, and I took it upon ourselves at a young age to buy each other presents. We would also go in together to get something for our parents (obviously mom and dad helped when we were really little) Sometimes we would make something, other times I'd find and buy the CD Kris was wanting, I would get the body spray Beth was wanting. We were so excited to give each other our gifts, sometime we could barely wait until Christmas! I remember shopping and painstakingly selecting THE gift. I knew I was going to get presents from Santa/my parents but I was more excited about giving the gifts I have selected.
Somehow, I instilled that into my children (Kyran giving the girls their first guns is a long story that I will post a separate blog for ) Anna and Allie asked to start receiving an allowance for the chores and work they do around the house. Joe and I had been talking about the allowance thing, so we agreed on a price of $5.00 a week. I have to say it has taken a lot of pressure off of me when I go shopping with the kids because if they want something...they have money. But they used the money they earned to buy gifts for me and their siblings! Something I would't have expected.
Anna and Allie have bought me gifts, their brother a gift, my dad and Joe. Some of the items they made, the cast iron skillet we found for Joe I paid for but they girls are over the moon excited. I got my nails done with some of my girlfriends Monday night before Christmas. I walk in the door at 9:00 and Allie is jumping up and down about a gift she got for me that she wanted me to open right now. Afterward Joe told me the wrapping paper was barely on the box and she was talking about giving it to me.
I love this excitement and selflessness they have. Allie told me in the car Christmas Eve on our way home from Christmas with my parents, that she is super excited about Santa coming and her getting presents but it felt so much better to give the presents. Allie went on to tell me how she couldn't wait for Kyran to open the gift she picked out for him. Allie discovered the secret of Santa about 5 months ago, although she was upset at the time, she is overwhelmed with the fact that we went through all the trouble for her. Even though she knew that it was Joe and I were selecting the presents and doing the magic she still wanted us to keep it up thus the reason we have an 'Elf on the Shelf' and why she put out cookies for Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Christmas Eve in the car she was doing some math, "I can't believe you and dad spend $200 on each kid, that's $600!!! And Mom, let me tell you, all the gifts you picked out all these years were PERFECT, I don't know how you do it" $200 isn't the amount we spend on each kids, that's just some number she pulled out of her head. But to hear the appreciation in her voice nearly brought me to tears. Anna as well, as I tucked her into bed Christmas night she gave me the biggest hug and told me "Thank you Mom, this was the best Christmas ever"
My heart is overflowing especially when Allie recited to me why we give gifts at Christmas "Because God sent His only Son to earth to show us how to live. Then he gave the gift of us life for us. That's why"
As a 33 year old mother of three (I am including my step-son, Kyran, in that count). Most would be starting to relax into the daily grind of their life. With children getting busier and more involved with things most parents tend to take a backseat, becoming content with their lives as they were.
However, I on the other hand was needing something more. Not that my life wasn't great I have a great husband, great job (as an in home daycare provider), but since I graduated from college in 2010, I seem to always need another hobby or outlet of sorts. My mind was missing that challenge that schoolwork gave me. I started to read more, I always loved scrapbooking so I dabbled in that some more, photography, cross stitch, home improvement... nothing really seemed to trip my trigger. I've always loved to sing, mostly in the car or the occasional kareoke stage.
After hooking up with a local acting group in my small town of Parkersburg, Iowa I gradually starting falling BACK in love with performing that I had in high school. After my husband, Joe, encouraged me to attend an acting workshop I got the bug to audition for other productions. While visiting the websites of the two local theaters, I saw the theater in Waterloo (24 miles from Parkersburg) was holding auditions for their production of Alice in Wonderland. Since it was part of the Children's Theater I thought it would be great to have my oldest daughter audition especially after I looked at the ages...
On the website they listed ages for the roles. For instance; Alice was listed as a girl 14 and older, Mad Hatter a boy 8 and older, Queen of Hearts a girl 16 and older...16 was the oldest age listed as in NOT ME!! Anna and I worked together to get her ready for the audition. We had missed the previous auditions so the Saturday we were going in was the LAST day for auditions....
As we were getting ready to go I decided that I would audition as well for the Queen of Hearts role. I figured that it would help Anna with her nervousness if she saw that I was auditioning too. I gave her a pep-talk on the way in telling her this would be a great experience and we probably wouldn't get it but we would try again, etc.
We went through the cattle call of kids and their parents, filled out all the necessary paperwork and filed into the room with 55 other hopefuls. I was feeling INCREDIBLY self-conscious of being the oldest one there especially since I busted out in my knee high spiked heel Anna and I sat in the back behind a group of teenagers/young adults that knew each other. I felt like a fish out of water. I had practiced the lines for the Queen of Hearts and felt fairly prepared in my ability to read for that role. Except when they starting calling people up to read it was for a completely different scene!!! One that I was not prepared to read for. I did the best that I could and completely let all of my inhibitions go. I felt so bad for Anna because she just froze, she was so nervous she couldn't get any of the words out. After everyone had their chance to read they released the majority of the children and kept people to read again. I was shocked to be one of them. I read another scene...that I was not prepared for. This time they released some adults and the rest of the kids. Again I was floored they wanted me to read again! This time I read for the Mad Hatter scene in Alice in Wonderland. It didn't take long, but after we were finished some of the teens from the group turned to me and told me "Good job" one guy (who was brilliantly good) said to me "You were positively mad!" which I took as an amazing compliment. We were told callbacks would be the following Wednesday but honestly I didn't expect a call. The next day I got a call back! The director, Anita Ross, said she wasn't calling Anna back but she honestly wasn't calling back any of the younger kids. So the day of the call back, I put on my lucky charm bracelet did my hair and off I went. I was even MORE terrified. This time they had us read for the parts we were auditioning for, there were three other women who wanted the role and there was one women in particular who was really good. So I did my audition and went home thinking it was a great experience and I would audition again. Throughout the rest of week I tried not to think about the audition. I convinced myself that I wasn't going to get a call. But then Friday afternoon the phone rang and it was the director, Anita, from the Black Hawk Children's Theater offering me the part of the Queen of Hearts!! I couldn't stop telling her "I was expecting this call!" Even though Anna kind of bombed her audition, Anita was going to give her a non-speaking role in the Queen's court. Way to go Anna!
Alice in Wonderland turned out to be an amazing experience where I met a great number of friends. So amazing in fact three weeks later, I auditioned for Wizard of Oz and got the role of "Auntie Em/Glinda the Good Witch" (where I had to sing on stage! In front of my mom who I never sing in front of) Anna was cast as a munchin after an AMAZING audition. Allie had auditioned for Wizard too but got too nervous like Anna did the first time and wasn't cast
Me as Auntie Em, Carlos Ortiz as Uncle Henry and Rosemary Gast as Ms. Gulch
After Wizard it was only a couple weeks and I auditioned and got the lead (Suzanne) in "'Till Beth Do Us Part"
Me as the crazy haired kicklining grannie
While Beth was closing. Anna, Allie and I auditioned for Christmas Crackers. Both of my girls did AMAZING and Allie was offered the part of Millie Mae one of the main kids! I took a smaller role as the reporter and a kicklineing grandma!! It was a whirl wind of a year, on after Wizard closed and while waiting to start up for Til Beth I did a local show here in Parkersburg. Though I have taken a break from theater, I am planning on auditioning after the first of the year 2014. I had a great, WILD ride being in so many productions in 2012. I met some amazing life long friends, my children got to be around people that they could relate to and I was bitten by the performing bug once again!
The moral of my story is that you are never told old to try something new. Though I am not that old (29 for the..6th time) never count yourself out. Always keep challenging yourself to learn new things, try new experiences...you never know what amazing things you could end up doing.
Please let it snow. Don't let it snow. Please give me the promotion. I wish I would win the lottery. I wish he would notice me. I wish my kid was better at basketball. I wish I had a different car, better house, bigger house....
"I'm going to LOSE IT!!!!"
Everyday we get disappointed, whether it is something small or something huge. In "The Confident Woman Devotional 365 Daily Inspirations" By Joyce Meyer she talks about big disappointments making an impact on us, well that is obvious but Joyce states, "Little disappointments can create frustration, which in turn may lead to bigger problems that can lead to a lot of damage" (pg 355). How very true is that? I am normally, when presented with a major disappointment or disagreement, the type that wants to deal with it and solve it right then and there. Let's get over it. Right. Now. But with the little things I tend to just keep them bottled up. Like the person who parked too close to my minivan and I couldn't get in my door (ugh), the cashier at Wal-Mart who questioned my coupons and then was clearly mad at me when I asked for the manager and was right (UGH). The kids nit picking at each other in the backseat and arguing (seriously?!). The husband who was supposed to have started dinner but is CLEARLY still sitting out the couch in his work clothes having done NOTHING while you were gone (SERIOUSLY). The dog who chewed up your underwear and favorite yoga pants because you left them on the floor (@&*$^#*@(@%).
All of these little frustrations are just that little frustrations. Nobody was taken to the hospital, my house didn't burn down, my husband was home safe and sound, my kids were healthy. No major stresses here, just little frustrations that turned into a meltdown or , like I like to call them, an adult temper tantrum.
Shut up, you know you have wanted to do this
Yes, an adult temper tantrum. Shut up, you have had one and you know it, just admit it.
Where you feel like you are outside of your own body watching yourself freak out, going completely ballistic over something as trivial as tripping over your husband's size 15 shoe that he left by the door (where they belong). See, my problem wasn't Joe's shoes it was all the little things that had compiled together that I hadn't dealt with that resulted in my epic adult temper tantrum.
Joyce goes on to say "Practice dealing quickly with disappointments as they come, and they will not pile up into a mountain. Victory is not the absence of problems; it is the presence of God's power" (Meyer, 2011 p. 357). How amazingly true is that!! We teach our children to calm down, go have a time out, or my personal favorite "You better go check yo self before I reach out and touch someone". Well, we need to check ourselves, we need a time out.
I was guilty of trying to be superwoman and doing everything myself (getting frustrated along the way by everything I had taken on) I was guilty of being a bit of a control freak and when I would get overwhelmed I would lose it over the littlest things. Joe and I, in our 15 years of being together, have learned to communicate better when both of us are getting overwhelmed. I ask for help, I tell Joe the things he can do to help me (as well as my kids and others). When I feel like I am going to lose it, I voice it and tell them I need a minute. I go into my room and sit in the dark, sometimes I do a little yoga, I write in a journal or if all else fails have a glass of wine.....or two
Now, before you go on thinking that I am this totally put together in control woman who is so wise. Let me tell you I didn't learn these techniques until six months ago when I went through my bout with depression and struggle with my social anxiety. So when you feel like you are going to lose it do what we tell our children "Go to your room!"
References
Meyer, Joyce (2011), "The Confident Woman Devotional 365 Daily Inspirations" Published by FaithWords Hachette Book Group, New York, NY
Ok I spoke to one of my girlfriends today and she told me about a situation that happened last night. A nine year old child was was walking his large dog and this poor little chicken nugget wasn't able to control the dog. The dog got into my friends yard and tangled in her lights breaking some of them. My friend went outside and asked the little boy to try to keep the dog out of her lights because they are going to break. The little boy said he couldn't get the dog. Basically the dog was too big for this child's strength. So my friend went and helped the little boy. My friend was frustrated but not mean. The boy left running behind the dog because the dog was basically dragging him. The dog then proceeds to poop (seriously I think I talk about poop WAY too much LOL) a couple houses from my friend's house and the little boy doesn't pick it up.
So about ten minutes later a woman come banging on my friend door and says;
Pick up Yo Dog's Doo Doo!
"Are you the one who made my son cry"
"I don't know is he the one with the big Black Lab?" my friend replied
"Are you the one who made my son cry? He's only nine and he's at home crying"
"Is he the one with the dog? He got caught in my lights and I had to help him out because he couldn't control the dog"
Now what this woman says to my friend next is not appropriate for ANYONE to read. Let's just say it was a lot of expletives and for those of you who know me personally know that sometimes....I swear like a trucker. The short and skinny of what this woman said to my friend, in front of her daycare kids, in between the swear words and the insults was about making her son cry and how she thought the people of Parkersburg, Iowa were friendly but she was wrong and our block was full of @#*&#%#&*#^ . Say what?!?! I live one block down from my friend and our street is awesome! My neighbor snow blows for me...with out being asked!
Now let me make this disclaimer: I, Katie M Egloff in making the proceeding statement(s) am not standing on my high horse, or a pedestal, I am not a perfect mother. I make mistakes as a mother and I make poor decisions, I am not perfect. So I don't want a bunch of comments about how I think I am better that everyone else...that's a blog for another time "How Katie is the perfect mother" Just kidding RELAX people!
Ok now that I have said that I continue. Being a good parent is not fighting like a two year old because you think someone wronged your child. Yes, at times we have to bust out tiger mom and cut some people if the situation warrants it. (watch this video from MadTV to understand the Bon Qui Qui reference, in fact watch all the videos again thanks to my mother for my sense of humor)
My policy is I assume my children are guilty until proven innocent. When her teacher, another parent etc. calls me to say that one of my children have misbehaved or MIGHT have done something. A lot of times I get phone calls because one of my daughters got pushed down by another child or some other fourth/sixth grade drama. My response is 99% of the time is "OK let me talk to (insert child's name here) and I will get to the bottom of it and call you back" When my child gets home I discuss the situation with them. Sometimes my daughter said something to the offending child to upset them and that's why the got pushed down. If you called me an ugly doodie head I might push you down too.
So if I was this nine year old boy's mom I would have 1) not let him walk an untrained dog that weighs more than he does 2) not assume that the reason he was crying was because some mean scary lady was screaming at him hello this is Parkersburg we are a village 3) Comforted my child, maybe figure out that maybe baby was frustrated because he couldn't get his humongous dog out of the Christmas lights and that said big dog broke these lights. And finally I wouldn't have gone and banged on someone's door and scream and swear in front of little babies, I know I'm just classy like that.
You know as a child care provider, the worst part of my job is telling a parent their child did something wrong. You never know how the parent is going to react. The worst reaction you can ever hear is "I know my Tommy he would NEVER do that it must have been someone else" Seriously? I just witnessed your little angel throw a baseball through my window. Always taking your child's side and never making them accountable for their actions is why we have a world full of self righteous bosses and why Generation Yers are considered the over-confident, under-acheivers. Follow this link to a brief article about Gen Y or skip over it whatever floats your boat. http://www.techopedia.com/2/28844/it-business/it-careers/generation-y-i-think-we-have-problems
We give our children medals for participating, we don't spank them because that's violence, we do time outs and redirection and talking about their feelings instead because that is better on their precious psyche. We teach them they can be what ever the want to be and to follow their heart. Well doesn't that just sound like a unicorn flying over a rainbow popping out Skittles. For real, you kid CAN'T be anything they want to be because our kids want to be Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus. Though both of those kids have some good songs 'I came in like a wreeeekin' ball" sorry I digress, but they have both worked their butts off to get where they are. Kids today think they can wake up one day, got to a record label, sing a few bars and magically they are the next Selena Gomez. Justin, Miley and Selena, didn't get a participation medal and suddenly they were famous! No, it was hard hard work and rejection. Yes the W word,work!!! Oh a rejection! Our kids have to learn to deal with rejection!
As a mother I want to take away all the tears and the heartache that I had to go through. I don't want them to have to suck at basketball or get teased for prancing when you ran (yes this happened to me and....I still prance, so I'm told) But we can't! If we took away all the tears and heart ache what are they going to do when their boss tells them they didn't get the promotion or sorry you aren't working out her we need to let you go. The won't be prepared. They will be a hot mess sitting in the corner of their apartment clutching their participation medals saying over and over "But they said I could be what ever I want..."
My mom and dad wanted me to grow up to be a confident, independent woman. One that knew how to do laundry, fold clothes, clean the bathroom, cook (a little I'm better now), check the oil on a car, add oil to said car and be a woman of God, a good wife and good mother. I had dreams about what I wanted to be when I grew up, a teacher, a punk rocker, a nurse, some were SUPER big like my first semester at UNI as a pre-med student (to become a nurse since I didn't get into Allen Nursing school, UGH should have been the first clue). Let's just say I never went back to UNI after that first semester and had to quickly enroll into Hawkeye Community College because the were the only ones that would take an academically suspended UNI reject. I'll continue my journey from wanted to be a nurse to my current career...it's a wild ride.
In the mean time. Let's step up our patience with other parents and their kids. Everyone deserves a friend but lets not go all crazy town on each other. It's Christmas for Heavens Sake.
I mean seriously. Why is there a difference in the way men, women and children talk about poop. Men are allowed to blow up a bathroom and fart, no one thinks anything of it. But a woman,
if a woman farts or blows up a bathroom both the women AND men are horrified. I mean, just saw Freddy Kruger making out with blood soaked Carrie, horrified. Why? We all do it. Yes even I poop (WHAT!? No. Katie stop. You don't poop!) but when I do the number two, I have to make sure I am in private and have a near panic attack if I, God forbid, have to poop in a public restroom. Because women just don't do that. My mom and I had a conversation once about going into a bathroom stall after someone had pooped being so terrified the next woman in line would think it was us that pooped. When we come out after peeing we want to tell the next woman in line "That smell in there was NOT me I just peed" But why? Why are we so embarassed? I have told many people how I would rather be throwing up than have diarrhea. Want to know why? Ok here are two scenarios for you:
Scenario 1-
Sally walks into the bathroom at Target and hears another woman vomiting in one of the stalls. Sally goes outside the stall, knocks on the stall and says "aww sweetie are you ok, do you need anything??"
Scenario 2-
Sally walks into the bathroom at Target and hears a woman having diarrhea in one of the stalls. Sally covers her mouth to avoid the smell, thinks to herself "aw that poor girl, couldn't she have done that at home?"
People empathize with the barfing girl, even if she barfing because she had one to many spiked eggnogs the night before. We feel sorry for people who a throwing up but someone with the "runs" "trots" "big D" we are mortified.
You know pooping is just like throwing up, farting or peeing. You can't control it. It's all unpleasant but it's a natural body function. When a baby farts we giggle, we ooooh and aaaah when a baby belches. But why can't women fart? Why when a group of mixed gender people are together and a man farts, everyone laughs about it! But if a women farts it's not funny. I think that it has something to do with the vision of what a perfect woman is. Fifty years ago, women wore a skirt every day and her husband never knew what she looked like with out make-up on or her hair done let alone knew his wife pooped! Women didn't get sick, if they did their husbands didn't know about it. Men are manly, rugged, animals, they fart so other men and women know they are a MAN! Women are gentle, beautiful, princesses that are always supposed to be proper. If you're not...you are labeled a tomboy. Just like if a man is sensitive or cries he's labeled a sissy. WHY?! I don't get it.
My daughters Anna (11) and Allie (9) rip farts and belch all the time and then giggle about it. Now, that is discouraged in our house at the dinner table or out in public. I will never forget when Allie was about 5 she was sitting in a plastic booster seat at the kitchen table to dinner. All of the sudden she hiked up her leg and rips a HUGE fart. Joe and I both give her "the look", Allie, innocent as can be, says to me "What?! My butt had to breathe!" Except Allie has a mild speech impediment and it came out "What?! My butt hadda bweave!" Why don't we have that innocence anymore? Because the sign of a good child or good parent is to teach manners, to try to suppress the fart, to squelch the burp and make sure you say 'excuse me' or 'pardon me'. But, how do we act when we are all alone? We let em rip, we scratch our butt, we pick our nose and itch our armpit and then smell it. Our manners are just a show we put on for everyone else.
During this cold and flu season my family got super lucky and got a stomach virus. I got it first, Black Friday 5:30 in the morning driving home from shopping all night long. I had to pull over and throw up in someone's driveway while Joe held my hair and we were serenaded by a rooster crowing in negative degree weather. I threw up a couple more times, no diarrhea but awful HORRIBLE stinky gas. I was so embarrassed. This awful bug went through my house, my daycare, my daycare families and according to Facebook the town. We were all in the same boat at one time or the other, sharing our awful experience with this nasty, quick moving bug.
So the moral of my gross story of pooping, belching, farting, peeing etc. Give yourself and each other a little slack. I am going to try to not be so embarrassed and more like my husband. If you have to poop, POOP!
I sit here tonight writing my third blog post of the day, I know, I am a total overachiever. But I wanted to share the story meeting Joyce. I make hand knitted and crocheted items and have been selling them on Etsy.com and my www.facebook.comWhoneedssleep78 (sorry shameless plug) and my mom asked me to go to a couple craft sales with her. One in New Hartford, Iowa and then another in Grundy Center, Iowa. The Grundy craft sale was on a bitterly cold day the first weekend in December 2013. The craft sale went like the last one, I sold a few items but business really picked up towards the end of the day when this older woman came up very interested in my cowls. She and I chatted for awhile as she tired on this cowl and that cowl. Since I didn't have a mirror I took pictures of her on my cell phone so she could see what she looked like in the cowls at the end of the day I had met a lot of people and made some great connections for my businesses.
Craft sale table
About a week ago my mom called me in the morning about a phone call my parents had gotten the night before from a woman looking for another infinity scarf. My mom gave me the number and I called this woman, Joyce. She told me she wanted another cowl in a steel blue. The conversation was brief and the next day I went to Joann's Fabric and bought some yarn for her cowl and thought nothing more of it.
The Lord says to give and give, not what you can, not IF you can, just give. So we were called to sponsor a couple foster children who wouldn't receive gifts this year and have bought presents for them (I wouldn't have told you guys because that's not why I did it but it's important to the story) I received a phone call December 14 from Joyce asking if I found the yarn for her cowl. I told I did but if she didn't need it by Christmas I would put it off until after then. She told me it was fine and then asked me if I had a knitting machine. I told her I did all of my work by hand or sometimes I use a loom. Joyce proceeds to tell me about this amazing knitting machine she used a few years ago when she had cancer and couldn't leave the house. She went on to tell me about all the things she could make with it; hats, scarves, blankets, sweaters, vest just like a sewing machine but for knitting. (Now you guys know me I was total interested in her stories and enjoyed hearing everything she had to say about this machine) then all of the sudden she tells me she thought it was something I could use and if I would like it. I said sure, I would love to look at it and asked how much she would like for it (wondering in my head oh my heavens how expensive is this going to be??) Joyce then tells me she would GIVE it to me in trade. GIVE IT TO ME!!!! I nearly started crying right there and told her all the good we could do with a machine like that. Hats for the Cancer Society, Foster kids, the needy the list went on and on. Joyce told me after I shared that she was so happy to hear that and she knew she selected the right person, and how I reminded her of her younger self. We then talked about how she acquired this amazing machine and that it was a $4000.00 computerized machine! Say what?! She had gotten it from a banker's wife who thought it was an automatic knitting machine and didn't pay nearly that much for it.
My mom LeeAnn and I at New Hartford craft sale
My friend Joyce continued to tell me how something kept nagging her to get a hold of me. She said when her cleared check came from the bank she looked how she had written the check (which was written to my mom, LeeAnn Kleiner) Joyce told me it took her two days to find my mom because she had written the check to LeeAnn Klein. Finally Joyce called her bank and asked how the check was endorsed and finally found my parents. Then, after she talked to me that first day when she told me she wanted a cowl in the steel blue she went into her spare bedroom where her amazing knitting machine has been sitting unused and thought of me. We spent 40 minutes on the phone crying and talking about our walk with God and realized God and sent us to each other.
Joyce, my angel
Joyce gave me so many ideas to take to my church to help people and this machine is going to do so much good for so many people. As I look as my low bank accounts, I realize that God will return to you what you give. It may not come in the form of money or things. It may come in a kind smile on an awful day. I was fortunate to receive an expensive machine (that I haven't picked up yet but you all know I will tell you all about it) but what I from Joyce is an amazing new friend, an angel, my gift from God.
You know it's hard. That person you have know idea why they don't like you or why suddenly they don't want to talk to you. No one is perfect and Lord knows I put my foot in my mouth plenty of times. But I have had situations in my life for some reason or another someone HATES me with a passion. Maybe there isn't a reason other than they have heard XYZ rumor about me. Maybe I said something stupid and they were offended. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe I'm just not their cup of tea and I annoy them. The list is endless as to why someone doesn't like you. I used to get all nervous and scared if I happened to have to be in the same room with the person I knew didn't like me. Or what if I went to a school event and they were there? What would I do? You all know that awkward, feel like you are going to die feeling of PURE DREAD when you think there is even a remote possibility you might run into, let's call this person "Harriet". (Now whenever you see me you can ask me about Harriet or tell me about your Harriet and it will be our secret language) The Bible says in Romans 12: 19-21 "Beloved never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God; for it is written 'Vengence is mine I will repay' says the Lord. No, 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by doing so you will heap burning coals upon his head'. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" Even though this is from the New Testament, I think my Jewish friends will agree; be kind to those who hate you and it will piss them off more!! We need to rise above, I know it is so hard not to gossip and not to fight fire with fire, to try to hurt that person just as much as they have hurt you. Believe me I am struggle with a Harriet of my own who seems to be evil incarnate, it seems that good things are happening to Harriet but it feels like I am getting the raw end of the stick in the deal. I have struggled with rising about and not wanting to get revenge. I try my best, day by day to not speak untruths or gossip about my Harriet, to say kind things about her and to pray for her. Because it is obvious that because of her anger there is something troubling her deeper than something I have done. To those who might read this that I have wronged or hurt your feelings. TELL ME!! Let me apologize, let try to repair our friendship. To those reading this, if there is someone who hurt your feelings TELL THEM!! Don't just let it weigh heavy on your heart, tell them give them the chance to apologize for the Bible says (I'm paraphrasing here) those who wronged you go to them three separate times telling them how they hurt you and asking for an apology, if they don't apologize on the third time. You give up and continue to pray for them. Tell me your Harriet story, are you going to go to Him/Her? Ask for an apology?
I consider myself a shy person. Yes, for those of you who know me are scratching their heads and saying "whaaaaaat?!" Through my whole life I struggled with social anxiety, sometimes it was mild and sometimes it was severe. But what makes people scratch their heads is my ability to get up on stage and sing or act or really put myself out there. Well....that person on the stage because my alter-ego that I could hide behind, Katie the singer or Katie the actress not Katie Egloff....nothing. I know, I know crazy talk. So putting myself out there to talk to people I didn't know or a stranger was terrifying to me. Like anxiety, panic attack inducing scary for me.
I spent the summer of 2013 in a deep depression from sometime in May until Labor Day weekend when I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't like the way I looked. I had gain 15 pounds over the summer and didn't fit into any of my summer clothes. So I started do Weight Watchers and started doing yoga and Zumba. I finally started feeling a little bit better. Then on September 19 I received a message from my friend Deb, telling me about coming back to church (we have been visiting the church a year ago but fell away) and about a bible study that was starting on Wednesday nights she wanted me to go to. As I write this I can feel the anxiety in my chest I had that day when Deb asked me to go. I told her I would, thinking I could make an excuse and get out of it later, but I had to miss the first Wednesday. Thursday afternoon, the day after the first bible study, Deb pulls up to my house and brings me the bible study book and proclaims "I'm not letting you get out of this, I'll pick you up next Wednesday at 7:40" And she sure did. Every Wednesday Deb picked me up for this bible study, of course I had to miss a couple, but after the first one I was hooked. I remember being so terrified walking in that room the first time, with eight ladies I didn't know. I remember thinking "what are they going to think of me?" "I'm this sinner that hasn't been to church in over a year and I'm just going to show up and invade in their bible study!" "Just be quiet, don't say anything stupid" After the first video, I shared my knowledge of the Bible and got a couple compliments and my knowledge of the Bible (well I attended Christian day school since age 10 so knowledge of the Bible kind of stuck) Three months later, I am now a member of Bethel Reformed Church, sing on a Praise Team, did a special music tri with my two daughters and I'm working on a special community out reach program called "The Peanut Butter Project". I was asked to speak in church about my experience with the small group bible study. Because of my renewed faith I have felt better and want to share how happy I am with other. I wasn't doing it on purpose it just happened I tried to say "hi" to everyone I meet, make a conversation with cashiers at the grocery store, talk to the waitresses a restaurant, chat with the customer service reps (when I had to call US Cellular three times and was on hold for an hour I hung up the phone with a smile on my face) It wasn't until I went out to dinner with my mom and Grandma Richards "Grammie" and I chatted it up with the waitress that I realized what I was doing. I had talked with the waitress so much my mom asked me "Katie who is that, how do you know her?" I replied "I don't" My mom said, "You don't know her? The way you were talking it up with her seemed like you knew her" Grammie said "No one is a stranger to Katie" I realized how true that really is. I have so much more confidence now and I have made it my policy "Make no one a stranger" Now it may not work out all the time. I'm an odd duck as it is so I am not going to run across a parking lot to say "hi" to a stranger. (I'm seriously laughing right now at the thought of it.....give me a moment.....dang I'm funny) But I am going to try to be nice to those I meet. Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. My late friend Mitch (husband of my friend Deb who got me to go to the Bible Study) said "I'm nice to everyone, they could be my new best friend". You never know when you could be someone's reason. What if the cashier that I complimented on her hair was having the worst day because it seemed all the customers were jerks. What if the grouchy cashier I talked about puppies with at Joann's has a sick mother at home and I just helped her forget about it for just a second. What if the person I invited to church had gone through a summer long depression and didn't know how she was going to get out of it? What if Deb didn't invite me to church, would I be so full of love as I am right now? This Holiday season, and I say Holiday because just because you are a Christian and celebrate Christmas doesn't mean you can't wish someone a Happy Hanukkah (even though Hanukkah is over) Or if you are Jewish you can't say Merry Christmas. Saying Happy Holidays is more of an insult. So moral of my story put yourself out there, say "Hi" to people and if you are feeling low. Call me I've got a great story for you.
