I have written about my policy on making no one a stranger, to try and make friends with everyone. Well.....what if it doesn't work. I have met a number of people recently who are giving off a serious "stay away from me vibe" But I wonder how much of my insecurities are in my own mind or are they real and this new person is completely put off by me.
After shopping with my in laws we went to Allie's favorite restaurant Pizza Ranch. When we came in there was a group of black people eating we had to walk past to get to the table we choose. The women in the group were dressed to the nines, big furry and sparkly hats. After walking by them twice (to get my drink and then to get my first plate of food) I had to stop and tell the one woman who's hat I truly liked, how much I liked it. We chatted for a time but I walked away getting a good vibe from her and her family.
Later that same dining experience the girls basketball team from Kirkwood College in Cedar Rapids came in to eat. Allie had just played a basketball game that day and as we walked up to get Allie's dessert I said to her "Those are the big girls who play basketball" then I said a little louder "she just played a basketball game today" In my mind I was thinking this college age girl would turn around and say SOMETHING positive to Allie, but this girl turned around and said "oh" and continued getting her drink. I felt stupid. Luckily there was an older woman standing next to me that heard the whole conversation, she looked at me and mimicked the college girls "oh" and shook her head. In that moment that woman was a line support. My friend for a reason, because I was standing there feeling like a dummy. I thought the college girl would have at least turned around and said "Awesome!" or "Make sure you practice hard" . Maybe I caught her at a bad time. Joe later told me Kirkwood had lost and maybe this girl was in a bad mood. Our maybe...she's just not very nice.
I've joked a lot that there is no middle ground when it comes to me. You either love me or you hate me. There is no "oh yeah I know Katie...she's ok". Mmm yeah that doesn't happen. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I can get loud, tell jokes and get very animated (it's the actress in me) when I tell a story. I'm not silly all the time, I'm very loyal and a good listener.
I met a woman last night was giving off a major "stay away from me" vibe. Since I was doing a Norwex show I introduced myself and her facial expression made it very hard to continue talking to her. There were three women at this party that gave off this serious "stay away from me" vibe. I talked to some of them and I succeeded in breaking through the shell and seemed to form, at least a business rapport, with. But I could tell we weren't going to be new best friends. Maybe it was me or maybe it was them and no matter who I was or what I did this situation would have played out the same.
This last summer when I went through my depression. My social anxiety was at it's worst. I didn't want to leave the house and when I did I was so terrified of what people were thinking of me I was almost paralyzed to say anything. My mind was battling with itself:
Normal side "Go talk to Kerri, she is your friend!"
Messed up said (please read these in your mind with a raspy witch voice)"No don't talk to her, what if you say something stupid and then she will laugh at you"
"But she likes you, go ask her about..."
"Nothing, she wants to about nothing with you"
It was crippling. But with the help of medicine, a therapist, my family and God I am on the road to recovery. However, I think back to those times when I was in a social situation standing in a corner, waiting for someone to come talk to me so that I would feel like a loser, what kind of vibe was I putting out. Did I have the "stay away from me" expression on my face? Now that I am feeling better on the inside do I put out a more approachable vibe?
My lesson I have learned is this, and hopefully it can help you too. I discovered feeling miserable about yourself constantly isn't normal. Dreading going to a social event where your "comfort" people aren't going to be, to the point that you cancel going to the event. Isn't normal. Getting help from my doctor was the hardest thing i did, being the control freak I am, admitting I was out of control was almost as bad as dealing with the anxiety itself. I implore you to take that step, talk to someone. So you aren't giving out that "stay away from me vibe"
What kind of situations have you run into where people had that vibe?
After shopping with my in laws we went to Allie's favorite restaurant Pizza Ranch. When we came in there was a group of black people eating we had to walk past to get to the table we choose. The women in the group were dressed to the nines, big furry and sparkly hats. After walking by them twice (to get my drink and then to get my first plate of food) I had to stop and tell the one woman who's hat I truly liked, how much I liked it. We chatted for a time but I walked away getting a good vibe from her and her family.
Later that same dining experience the girls basketball team from Kirkwood College in Cedar Rapids came in to eat. Allie had just played a basketball game that day and as we walked up to get Allie's dessert I said to her "Those are the big girls who play basketball" then I said a little louder "she just played a basketball game today" In my mind I was thinking this college age girl would turn around and say SOMETHING positive to Allie, but this girl turned around and said "oh" and continued getting her drink. I felt stupid. Luckily there was an older woman standing next to me that heard the whole conversation, she looked at me and mimicked the college girls "oh" and shook her head. In that moment that woman was a line support. My friend for a reason, because I was standing there feeling like a dummy. I thought the college girl would have at least turned around and said "Awesome!" or "Make sure you practice hard" . Maybe I caught her at a bad time. Joe later told me Kirkwood had lost and maybe this girl was in a bad mood. Our maybe...she's just not very nice.
I've joked a lot that there is no middle ground when it comes to me. You either love me or you hate me. There is no "oh yeah I know Katie...she's ok". Mmm yeah that doesn't happen. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I can get loud, tell jokes and get very animated (it's the actress in me) when I tell a story. I'm not silly all the time, I'm very loyal and a good listener.
I met a woman last night was giving off a major "stay away from me" vibe. Since I was doing a Norwex show I introduced myself and her facial expression made it very hard to continue talking to her. There were three women at this party that gave off this serious "stay away from me" vibe. I talked to some of them and I succeeded in breaking through the shell and seemed to form, at least a business rapport, with. But I could tell we weren't going to be new best friends. Maybe it was me or maybe it was them and no matter who I was or what I did this situation would have played out the same.
This last summer when I went through my depression. My social anxiety was at it's worst. I didn't want to leave the house and when I did I was so terrified of what people were thinking of me I was almost paralyzed to say anything. My mind was battling with itself:
Normal side "Go talk to Kerri, she is your friend!"
Messed up said (please read these in your mind with a raspy witch voice)"No don't talk to her, what if you say something stupid and then she will laugh at you"
"But she likes you, go ask her about..."
"Nothing, she wants to about nothing with you"
It was crippling. But with the help of medicine, a therapist, my family and God I am on the road to recovery. However, I think back to those times when I was in a social situation standing in a corner, waiting for someone to come talk to me so that I would feel like a loser, what kind of vibe was I putting out. Did I have the "stay away from me" expression on my face? Now that I am feeling better on the inside do I put out a more approachable vibe?
My lesson I have learned is this, and hopefully it can help you too. I discovered feeling miserable about yourself constantly isn't normal. Dreading going to a social event where your "comfort" people aren't going to be, to the point that you cancel going to the event. Isn't normal. Getting help from my doctor was the hardest thing i did, being the control freak I am, admitting I was out of control was almost as bad as dealing with the anxiety itself. I implore you to take that step, talk to someone. So you aren't giving out that "stay away from me vibe"
What kind of situations have you run into where people had that vibe?
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