Why do we feel that it is ok to cut each other down?

Words to live by...

I'm guilty, I admit it, sometimes I am not a nice person.  Especially to the ones in my household.  I tend to point out the faults of my husband and remind him of these things quite often.  I'm not the type of person that let's people get away with things.

If he forgets to put his laundry away, I tell him.
If he leaves his work clothes laying on the bathroom floor, I tell him.
If he smells stinky, I tell him.
If his hair is jacked up, I tell him.
If sits on the furniture with his work clothes on, I go on and on about how I am the one that cleans it blah blah blah...

And that is just the tip of the iceberg.  Why do I insist on pointing every single thing out wrong that Joe was doing?  With my daughters and others I tend to be a bit gentler (not always with my kids but hey, I did say I wasn't perfect).  But I seem not to be able to let things go.  I feel miserable if I keep things bottled up but I feel miserable knowing I have hurt someone's feelings.  Was there a middle ground?

During my sessions with my counselor and Bible study I discovered just how guilty I was of doing these things and how it could affect the people I was saying it to, especially Joe.  What was my constant fault naming doing to Joe's self esteem? To his feelings towards me? And even more importantly what about my daughters, what was I doing to them? I looked inside and realized that not only was my picking out people's faults a reflection on my own self doubt, but damaging to others. I was reading one of my Bible study's by Joyce Meyer and she states;

I wonder how weary we would be if at the end of each day if God mentioned every tiny thing we did wrong.  He does deal with us, but I am quite sure He also overlooks a lot of things" (Meyer, 2012 p 432).

I have spend time learning better communication with Joe and my daughters "...I was quick to tell everyone about his or her faults, but I have learned that is not pleasing to God.  Just as we want others to give us mercy, we must give it to them" (Meyer, 2012 p 432).  I have learned to let some things go, if there is something bothering me I stop to ask myself how helpful it would be to bring it up.  If I decide it isn't that important I let it go.  Sometimes, when I am really upset I write all of the awful things running through my mind down in my journal and I honestly feel better.  I have said the age old saying before "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" that couldn't be the furthest from the truth.  Words do indeed hurt.  My high school boyfriend told me "your life is going no where and you will never amount to anything" as one of the reasons he was breaking up with me.  We need to be kind to one another.  God didn't create us to be all alike, we need to embrace each others differences and learn from each other.


Are you having trouble giving mercy to someone else?  Tell me your story.

Life's disappointments and adult temper tantrums....yes they exisit

Every day we wish for something;

Please let it snow.  
Don't let it snow.  
Please give me the promotion.  
I wish I would win the lottery.  
I wish he would notice me.  
I wish my kid was better at basketball.  
I wish I had a different car, better house, bigger house....

"I'm going to LOSE IT!!!!"

Everyday we get disappointed, whether it is something small or something huge.  In "The Confident Woman Devotional 365 Daily Inspirations" By Joyce Meyer she talks about big disappointments making an impact on us, well that is obvious but Joyce states, "Little disappointments can create frustration, which in turn may lead to bigger problems that can lead to a lot of damage" (pg 355). How very true is that?  I am normally, when presented with a major disappointment or disagreement, the type that wants to deal with it and solve it right then and there.  Let's get over it. Right. Now.  But with the little things I tend to just keep them bottled up. Like the person who parked too close to my minivan and I couldn't get in my door (ugh), the cashier at Wal-Mart who questioned my coupons and then was clearly mad at me when I asked for the manager and was right (UGH). The kids nit picking at each other in the backseat and arguing (seriously?!).  The husband who was supposed to have started dinner but is CLEARLY still sitting out the couch in his work clothes having done NOTHING while you were gone (SERIOUSLY).  The dog who chewed up your underwear and favorite yoga pants because you left them on the floor (@&*$^#*@(@%).

All of these little frustrations are just that little frustrations.  Nobody was taken to the hospital, my house didn't burn down, my husband was home safe and sound, my kids were healthy.  No major stresses here, just little frustrations that turned into a meltdown or , like I like to call them, an adult temper tantrum.

Shut up, you know you have wanted to do this

Yes, an adult temper tantrum.  Shut up, you have had one and you know it, just admit it.

Where you feel like you are outside of your own body watching yourself freak out, going completely ballistic over something as trivial as tripping over your husband's size 15 shoe that he left by the door (where they belong).  See, my problem wasn't Joe's shoes it was all the little things that had compiled together that I hadn't dealt with that resulted in my epic adult temper tantrum.

Joyce goes on to say "Practice dealing quickly with disappointments as they come, and they will not pile up into a mountain.  Victory is not the absence of problems; it is the presence of God's power" (Meyer, 2011 p. 357).  How amazingly true is that!!  We teach our children to calm down, go have a time out, or my personal favorite "You better go check yo self before I reach out and touch someone".  Well, we need to check ourselves, we need a time out.

I was guilty of trying to be superwoman and doing everything myself (getting frustrated along the way by everything I had taken on) I was guilty of being a bit of a control freak and when I would get overwhelmed I would lose it over the littlest things.  Joe and I, in our 15 years of being together, have learned to communicate better when both of us are getting overwhelmed.  I ask for help, I tell Joe the things he can do to help me (as well as my kids and others).  When I feel like I am going to lose it, I voice it and tell them I need a minute.  I go into my room and sit in the dark, sometimes I do a little yoga, I write in a journal or if all else fails have a glass of wine.....or two

Now, before you go on thinking that I am this totally put together in control woman who is so wise.  Let me tell you I didn't learn these techniques until six months ago when I went through my bout with depression and struggle with my social anxiety.  So when you feel like you are going to lose it do what we tell our children "Go to your room!"

References
Meyer, Joyce (2011), "The Confident Woman Devotional 365 Daily Inspirations" Published by FaithWords Hachette Book Group, New York, NY

The Confident Woman 365 Daily Inspirations by Joyce Meyer
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