This is what makes me SO mad, feel free to comment

Ok I spoke to one of my girlfriends today and she told me about a situation that happened last night.  A nine year old child was was walking his large dog and this poor little chicken nugget wasn't able to control the dog.  The dog got into my friends yard and tangled in her lights breaking some of them.  My friend went outside and asked the little boy to try to keep the dog out of her lights because they are going to break.  The little boy said he couldn't get the dog.  Basically the dog was too big for this child's strength.  So my friend went and helped the little boy.  My friend was frustrated but not mean. The boy left running behind the dog because the dog was basically dragging him.  The dog then proceeds to poop (seriously I think I talk about poop WAY too much LOL) a couple houses from my friend's house and the little boy doesn't pick it up.

So about ten minutes later a woman come banging on my friend door and says;

Pick up Yo Dog's Doo Doo!

"Are you the one who made my son cry"
"I don't know is he the one with the big Black Lab?" my friend replied
"Are you the one who made my son cry?  He's only nine and he's at home crying"
"Is he the one with the dog?  He got caught in my lights and I had to help him out because he couldn't control the dog"
Now what this woman says to my friend next is not appropriate for ANYONE to read.  Let's just say it was a lot of expletives and for those of you who know me personally know that sometimes....I swear like a trucker.  The short and skinny of what this woman said to my friend, in front of her daycare kids, in between the swear words and the insults was about making her son cry and how she thought the people of Parkersburg, Iowa were friendly but she was wrong and our block was full of @#*&#%#&*#^ .  Say what?!?! I live one block down from my friend and our street is awesome!  My neighbor snow blows for me...with out being asked!

Now let me make this disclaimer: I, Katie M Egloff in making the proceeding statement(s) am not standing on my high horse, or a pedestal, I am not a perfect mother.  I make mistakes as a mother and I make poor decisions, I am not perfect. So I don't want a bunch of comments about how I think I am better that everyone else...that's a blog for another time "How Katie is the perfect mother" Just kidding RELAX people!

Ok now that I have said that I continue. Being a good parent is not fighting like a two year old because you think someone wronged your child.  Yes, at times we have to bust out tiger mom and cut some people if the situation warrants it.  (watch this video from MadTV to understand the Bon Qui Qui reference, in fact watch all the videos again thanks to my mother for my sense of humor)

My policy is I assume my children are guilty until proven innocent.  When her teacher, another parent  etc. calls me to say that one of my children have misbehaved or MIGHT have done something.  A lot of times I get phone calls because one of my daughters got pushed down by another child or some other fourth/sixth grade drama.  My response is 99% of the time is "OK let me talk to (insert child's name here) and I will get to the bottom of it and call you back" When my child gets home I discuss the situation with them.  Sometimes my daughter said something to the offending child to upset them and that's why the got pushed down.  If you called me an ugly doodie head I might push you down too.

So if I was this nine year old boy's mom I would have 1) not let him walk an untrained dog that weighs more than he does 2) not assume that the reason he was crying was because some mean scary lady was screaming at him hello this is Parkersburg we are a village 3) Comforted my child, maybe figure out that maybe baby was frustrated because he couldn't get his humongous dog out of the Christmas lights and that said big dog broke these lights.  And finally I wouldn't have gone and banged on someone's door and scream and swear in front of little babies, I know I'm just classy like that.

You know as a child care provider, the worst part of my job is telling a parent their child did something wrong.  You never know how the parent is going to react.  The worst reaction you can ever hear is "I know my Tommy he would NEVER do that it must have been someone else"  Seriously?  I just witnessed your little angel throw a baseball through my window.  Always taking your child's side and never making them accountable for their actions is why we have a world full of self righteous bosses and why Generation Yers are considered the over-confident, under-acheivers.  Follow this link to a brief article about Gen Y or skip over it whatever floats your boat.
http://www.techopedia.com/2/28844/it-business/it-careers/generation-y-i-think-we-have-problems

We give our children medals for participating, we don't spank them because that's violence, we do time outs and redirection and talking about their feelings instead because that is better on their precious psyche.   We teach them they can be what ever the want to be and to follow their heart.  Well doesn't that just sound like a unicorn flying over a rainbow popping out Skittles.  For real, you kid CAN'T be anything they want to be because our kids want to be Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus.  Though both of those kids have some good songs 'I came in like a wreeeekin' ball"  sorry I digress, but they have both worked their butts off to get where they are.  Kids today think they can wake up one day, got to a record label, sing a few bars and magically they are the next Selena Gomez.  Justin, Miley and Selena, didn't get a participation medal and suddenly they were famous!  No, it was hard hard work and rejection. Yes the W word,work!!!  Oh a rejection!  Our kids have to learn to deal with rejection!

As a mother I want to take away all the tears and the heartache that I had to go through.  I don't want them to have to suck at basketball or get teased for prancing when you ran (yes this happened to me and....I still prance, so I'm told) But we can't!  If we took away all the tears and heart ache what are they going to do when their boss tells them they didn't get the promotion or sorry you aren't working out her we need to let you go.  The won't be prepared. They will be a hot mess sitting in the corner of their apartment clutching their participation medals saying over and over "But they said I could be what ever I want..."

My mom and dad wanted me to grow up to be a confident, independent woman. One that knew how to do laundry, fold clothes, clean the bathroom, cook (a little I'm better now), check the oil on a car, add oil to said car and be a woman of God, a good wife and good mother.  I had dreams about what I wanted to be when I grew up, a teacher, a punk rocker, a nurse, some were SUPER big like my first semester at UNI as a pre-med student (to become a nurse since I didn't get into Allen Nursing school, UGH should have been the first clue).  Let's just say I never went back to UNI after that first semester and had to quickly enroll into Hawkeye Community College because the were the only ones that would take an academically suspended UNI reject. I'll continue my journey from wanted to be a nurse to my current career...it's a wild ride.

In the mean time.  Let's step up our patience with other parents and their kids.  Everyone deserves a friend but lets not go all crazy town on each other.  It's Christmas for Heavens Sake.

What is wrong with pooping?

I mean seriously. Why is there a difference in the way men, women and children talk about poop.  Men are allowed to blow up a bathroom and fart, no one thinks anything of it.  But a woman,
if a woman farts or blows up a bathroom both the women AND men are horrified.  I mean, just saw Freddy Kruger making out with blood soaked Carrie, horrified.  Why?  We all do it.  Yes even I poop (WHAT!? No. Katie stop. You don't poop!) but when I do the number two, I have to make sure I am in private and have a near panic attack if I, God forbid, have to poop in a public restroom.  Because women just don't do that.  My mom and I had a conversation once about going into a bathroom stall after someone had pooped being so terrified the next woman in line would think it was us that pooped. When we come out after peeing we want to tell the next woman in line "That smell in there was NOT me I just peed" But why?  Why are we so embarassed?  I have told many people how I would rather be throwing up than have diarrhea.  Want to know why? Ok here are two scenarios for you:

Scenario 1-
Sally walks into the bathroom at Target and hears another woman vomiting in one of the stalls.  Sally goes outside the stall, knocks on the stall and says "aww sweetie are you ok, do you need anything??"

Scenario 2-
Sally walks into the bathroom at Target and hears a woman having diarrhea in one of the stalls.  Sally covers her mouth to avoid the smell, thinks to herself "aw that poor girl, couldn't she have done that at home?"

People empathize with the barfing girl, even if she barfing because she had one to many spiked eggnogs the night before.  We feel sorry for people who a throwing up but someone with the "runs" "trots" "big D" we are mortified.

You know pooping is just like throwing up, farting or peeing.  You can't control it.  It's all unpleasant but it's a natural body function.  When a baby farts we giggle, we ooooh and aaaah when a baby belches. But why can't women fart?  Why when a group of mixed gender people are together and a man farts, everyone laughs about it!  But if a women farts it's not funny.  I think that it has something to do with the vision of what a perfect woman is.  Fifty years ago, women wore a skirt every day and her husband never knew what she looked like with out make-up on or her hair done let alone knew his wife pooped!  Women didn't get sick, if they did their husbands didn't know about it.  Men are manly, rugged, animals, they fart so other men and women know they are a MAN!  Women are gentle, beautiful, princesses that are always supposed to be proper. If you're not...you are labeled a tomboy.  Just like if a man is sensitive or cries he's labeled a sissy. WHY?!  I don't get it.

My daughters Anna (11) and Allie (9) rip farts and belch all the time and then giggle about it. Now, that is discouraged in our house at the dinner table or out in public.  I will never forget when Allie was about 5 she was sitting in a plastic booster seat at the kitchen table to dinner.  All of the sudden she hiked up her leg and rips a HUGE fart.  Joe and I both give her "the look", Allie, innocent as can be, says to me "What?!  My butt had to breathe!"  Except Allie has a mild speech impediment and it came out "What?! My butt hadda bweave!"  Why don't we have that innocence anymore?  Because the sign of a good child or good parent is to teach manners, to try to suppress the fart, to squelch the burp and make sure you say 'excuse me' or 'pardon me'.  But, how do we act when we are all alone?  We let em rip, we scratch our butt, we pick our nose and itch our armpit and then smell it.  Our manners are just a show we put on for everyone else.

During this cold and flu season my family got super lucky and got a stomach virus.  I got it first, Black Friday 5:30 in the morning driving home from shopping all night long.  I had to pull over and throw up in someone's driveway while Joe held my hair and we were serenaded by a rooster crowing in negative degree weather.  I threw up a couple more times, no diarrhea but awful HORRIBLE stinky gas. I was so embarrassed.  This awful bug went through my house, my daycare, my daycare families and according to Facebook the town.  We were all in the same boat at one time or the other, sharing our awful experience with this nasty, quick moving bug.

So the moral of my gross story of pooping, belching, farting, peeing etc. Give yourself and each other a little slack.  I am going to try to not be so embarrassed and more like my husband.  If you have to poop, POOP!