Why do we feel that it is ok to cut each other down?

Words to live by...

I'm guilty, I admit it, sometimes I am not a nice person.  Especially to the ones in my household.  I tend to point out the faults of my husband and remind him of these things quite often.  I'm not the type of person that let's people get away with things.

If he forgets to put his laundry away, I tell him.
If he leaves his work clothes laying on the bathroom floor, I tell him.
If he smells stinky, I tell him.
If his hair is jacked up, I tell him.
If sits on the furniture with his work clothes on, I go on and on about how I am the one that cleans it blah blah blah...

And that is just the tip of the iceberg.  Why do I insist on pointing every single thing out wrong that Joe was doing?  With my daughters and others I tend to be a bit gentler (not always with my kids but hey, I did say I wasn't perfect).  But I seem not to be able to let things go.  I feel miserable if I keep things bottled up but I feel miserable knowing I have hurt someone's feelings.  Was there a middle ground?

During my sessions with my counselor and Bible study I discovered just how guilty I was of doing these things and how it could affect the people I was saying it to, especially Joe.  What was my constant fault naming doing to Joe's self esteem? To his feelings towards me? And even more importantly what about my daughters, what was I doing to them? I looked inside and realized that not only was my picking out people's faults a reflection on my own self doubt, but damaging to others. I was reading one of my Bible study's by Joyce Meyer and she states;

I wonder how weary we would be if at the end of each day if God mentioned every tiny thing we did wrong.  He does deal with us, but I am quite sure He also overlooks a lot of things" (Meyer, 2012 p 432).

I have spend time learning better communication with Joe and my daughters "...I was quick to tell everyone about his or her faults, but I have learned that is not pleasing to God.  Just as we want others to give us mercy, we must give it to them" (Meyer, 2012 p 432).  I have learned to let some things go, if there is something bothering me I stop to ask myself how helpful it would be to bring it up.  If I decide it isn't that important I let it go.  Sometimes, when I am really upset I write all of the awful things running through my mind down in my journal and I honestly feel better.  I have said the age old saying before "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" that couldn't be the furthest from the truth.  Words do indeed hurt.  My high school boyfriend told me "your life is going no where and you will never amount to anything" as one of the reasons he was breaking up with me.  We need to be kind to one another.  God didn't create us to be all alike, we need to embrace each others differences and learn from each other.


Are you having trouble giving mercy to someone else?  Tell me your story.