My cousin Nishi posted on Facebook the other day about the frustrations of being a mom. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, playing hide n seek, bath time, working, trying to do it all while raising healthy, happy children. Nishi did what is rare, admitted she doesn't do everything perfect. From reading my blogs, you guys know that I admit to not doing everything perfect, but unfortunately that is not the norm.
When you look at other mom's and even dad's Facebook posts and it is normally something like "just made a cake for Timmy's birthday, gift bags made all while making a five course dinner oh yeah and I made cake pops to look like owls while my five kids wee napping. I would say that is a productive day" Hmmm..... kudos to you, sometimes I have days like that, where all the stars align and I get a massive burst of energy and I get all of this stuff done. But that does NOT happen every day. Most days I am lucky if I put a bra on and get out of my pajama pants before noon, and the real reason I change is because I don't want my daycare parents thinking I spend all day in my pajama pants, not because I want to change. Most days I'm lucky if I can make it to the coffee pot without running into a wall and get the kids out the door on time. But I don't post that, because the is my normal day. I post the fantastic things, the funny things or thing other parents can empathize with.
Being a parent is exhausting and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Plan and simply lying. Super parents only exist in our dreams. It is a facade other parents put up to not let other parents know they are going just as nuts as we are. It is not this magical experience where unicorns skip and play and make rainbows where ever you go. Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever love. I read an article discussing the difficulties of being a parent and how parents of older child sabotage new parents without even knowing it. For instance; the experienced parents meets someone with a baby and asks:
"oh how old is she?"
New mom replies " 6 months."
Reply "oh that is my favorite stage, they are starting to jabber and crawl and oh that one tooth grin!"
Now, we experienced parents don't mention anything about how awful the 6 month stage is when little junior throws food all over the cat, and pulls the drapes down on top of himself while crawling around, or how your wooden spoon will never be the same because instead of banging on the pots and pans junior chewed on spoon instead........hmmm I wondered why it was so quiet... See! By withholding that part of the story, we have inadvertently sabotaged the new mom. She thinks that we are some kind of super mom because her little girl is cute and cuddly 15% of the time, but a holy terror the other 85%, what is wrong with me and my child? I must be doing something wrong. Now when I talk to a new mom or a mom with toddlers, I still ask how old, I still mention my favorite parts but the I mention the bad stuff too. It is good for us more experienced moms to relate to new moms.
I honestly think that with the addition of social media moms are in a silent passive aggressive competition with other moms to see who can out do who. I saw on Good Morning America where Pinterest was a means of "mom-shaming" (no seriously I couldn't make this up) where moms post pictures of the super over the top birthday cakes they made for Junior's third birthday with a functioning Thomas the Train and a smoke stack. GMA interviewed other moms who stated putting up those pictures made them feel like less of a mom because they couldn't do that. Seriously?
Insert me grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you here. If your self esteem is wrapped up in what kind of cake you can make for your child's birthday you have bigger problems honey.
Bottom line. Mom's give yourself a break. At the end of a difficult day when you think you have completely failed ask yourself these questions
When you look at other mom's and even dad's Facebook posts and it is normally something like "just made a cake for Timmy's birthday, gift bags made all while making a five course dinner oh yeah and I made cake pops to look like owls while my five kids wee napping. I would say that is a productive day" Hmmm..... kudos to you, sometimes I have days like that, where all the stars align and I get a massive burst of energy and I get all of this stuff done. But that does NOT happen every day. Most days I am lucky if I put a bra on and get out of my pajama pants before noon, and the real reason I change is because I don't want my daycare parents thinking I spend all day in my pajama pants, not because I want to change. Most days I'm lucky if I can make it to the coffee pot without running into a wall and get the kids out the door on time. But I don't post that, because the is my normal day. I post the fantastic things, the funny things or thing other parents can empathize with.
Being a parent is exhausting and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Plan and simply lying. Super parents only exist in our dreams. It is a facade other parents put up to not let other parents know they are going just as nuts as we are. It is not this magical experience where unicorns skip and play and make rainbows where ever you go. Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever love. I read an article discussing the difficulties of being a parent and how parents of older child sabotage new parents without even knowing it. For instance; the experienced parents meets someone with a baby and asks:
"oh how old is she?"
New mom replies " 6 months."
Reply "oh that is my favorite stage, they are starting to jabber and crawl and oh that one tooth grin!"
Now, we experienced parents don't mention anything about how awful the 6 month stage is when little junior throws food all over the cat, and pulls the drapes down on top of himself while crawling around, or how your wooden spoon will never be the same because instead of banging on the pots and pans junior chewed on spoon instead........hmmm I wondered why it was so quiet... See! By withholding that part of the story, we have inadvertently sabotaged the new mom. She thinks that we are some kind of super mom because her little girl is cute and cuddly 15% of the time, but a holy terror the other 85%, what is wrong with me and my child? I must be doing something wrong. Now when I talk to a new mom or a mom with toddlers, I still ask how old, I still mention my favorite parts but the I mention the bad stuff too. It is good for us more experienced moms to relate to new moms.
I honestly think that with the addition of social media moms are in a silent passive aggressive competition with other moms to see who can out do who. I saw on Good Morning America where Pinterest was a means of "mom-shaming" (no seriously I couldn't make this up) where moms post pictures of the super over the top birthday cakes they made for Junior's third birthday with a functioning Thomas the Train and a smoke stack. GMA interviewed other moms who stated putting up those pictures made them feel like less of a mom because they couldn't do that. Seriously?
Insert me grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you here. If your self esteem is wrapped up in what kind of cake you can make for your child's birthday you have bigger problems honey.
Bottom line. Mom's give yourself a break. At the end of a difficult day when you think you have completely failed ask yourself these questions
- Are they still breathing?
- Have I done anything to emotionally scar them permanently
- Were their basic needs of food, water, shelter and clothing met?
- Can I try to better tomorrow?
If you can answer YES, NO, YES and YES to those questions you are doing a good job. The most important thing is there is always tomorrow.
What are your mom or dad fails?
No comments:
Post a Comment