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| Joe and Katie July 14, 2001 |
The story began exactly as I wrote about it and posted yesterday. If you missed it click here to get up to speed. I got the courage to ask Joe out after we had been flirting with each other for three weeks. I knew he had a son and was probably a little gun shy to start another relationship because of the stigma associated with a single dad, especially a dad with a baby so young (5 months old).
After that first date Joe and I got pretty serious, pretty fast. We spent as much time together as we possibly could. We officially started dating exclusively on February 7, 1999 a week later on Valentine's Day Joe gave me a beautiful heart necklace. I was floored because my boyfriend before Joe insisted on going dutch and never bought me jewelry or sentimental gifts such as that. Though I knew I fell in love with him at first sight, we didn't say the words to each other until a month into the relationship which is when we started having sleepovers at room I was renting at my high school friends house. You see my mom and dad didn't approve of Joe. I was raised in a fairly strict Christian family and having a child outside of wedlock was viewed as a sin. My parents were also concerned with Joe's age, 22 to my 20, meaning he could legally drink alcohol and I couldn't. Since I still lived with my parents they made it difficult for me to see him, so I moved out so I could be with Joe.
The relationship progressed, I was introduced to Joe's parents and I was even introduced to Joe's son, Kyran, when Joe's parent's brought him in to visit Joe at work. Things seemed to be going on the right track, until Joe stopped calling, stopped returning my calls, when I finally would get a hold of him he told me his cell phone didn't show a missed call or a voicemail. After awhile, I got tired of being avoided and left him a message that we were through. In May of that year, I moved out of my friend's house and back in with my parent's. Joe and I saw each other on and off through out the course of that summer it was hard for me because I loved him so much, but I knew they way he was treating me wasn't right. Finally in August of 1999 it seemed Joe had gotten his act together and was again committed to me. My parents were still singing the same song about Joe stating "I'm not sure what it is about that boy, but he's not for you" I understand where they were coming from...now, Joe was unlike anyone I had ever dated before.
In September I decided to move in with my friend Wendy and her boyfriend Jason. As I was making the plans to move with them Joe, again, went AWAL. Joe had told me to call him that night and we would get hang out. I called and left a message waiting for him to get off work. I didn't work at the salon, KJ & Kompany anymore and was working at an office doing filing. Having played this game before I had a feeling Joe was at Diamond Dave's, the restaurant/bar where Joe and I had our first date and continued to hang out at as our relationship progressed. I decided to drive out there to see, as I pulled up I saw Joe outside. He didn't see my car pull up so I pulled out my cell phone to call him. He picked up right away.
"Hey how's it going?" Joe said
"Good, I thought we were going to hang out tonight" I said
"Oh, gosh, yeah I'm sorry we had to do inventory and I got stuck at work"
I blew up. You see Joe had just lied to me, the mall locked the doors after 9:00 and the only door you could get in or out of after 9:00 was Diamond Dave's. He was avoiding me...again. I walked up to Joe and confronted him on is lie. The conversation got ugly, there were tears shed...by me. Finally Joe said
"I can't be in a relationship right now, I can't commit myself to anyone right now"
It was over, through all the ups and downs it was over.
Wendy and I went out for kareoke one night and I met this guy from Alabama, as I sit her writing this, I can see his face and remember his accent but I can't remember his name, let's call him Brad. Brad and I began seeing each other that night and continued to see each other. One day as I sat at my desk preparing to file away some paperwork I was called to the front desk. I had gotten flowers! Oh my gosh I bet they were from Brad, what a sweet guy. I opened the card and saw in Joe's handwriting "I miss you. Please call me" I ran to the bathroom and cried. I didn't know what to do. This man, two weeks prior, broke my already damaged heart and told me he couldn't commit to me now he missed me.
I went back to my desk and called Joe. He answered right away and invited me to go down to Dysart, Iowa (30 minutes south of Waterloo, Iowa where Joe and I worked) with him to pick up Kyran for his visitation. I agreed. That night we drove in silence for what seemed like forever, when Joe finally started talking he said
"I have missed you."
"I've missed you too" I replied. "You hurt me"
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Have you changed your mind? Are we going to give this another try" I asked
"I want to be with you, but I don't want to be in a long term commitment"
I was floored, I couldn't believe I could be so stupid. Here he was playing with my heart again. I tried to be strong, but fell for his charms again and ended up having a sleepover with him the next weekend. Meanwhile, I had left Brad in the dust to follow after Joe, we left me in the dust...again two weeks later. I had screwed up. When I called Brad he was angry because he had heard I went back with Joe and he severed ties with me. I was alone....again.
In mid-September I was trying to move on and forget all about Joe, swearing off men for awhile. One afternoon, I got into a fight with my roommates and left the house to stay with my parents. I was so upset over the altercation, I called the one person who always made me feel better. Joe.
Joe came to the rescue, telling me to move out of that house and back in with my parents. Joe told me he couldn't stand that I was in that situation and he wasn't there for me. Joe was down in Cedar Rapids, Iowa (an hour away) for training, he promised he would be home the next day and would come to see me. My dad and I moved me out of Wendy and Jason's place that night and I never looked back.
Joe came to see me, like he promised, that next day. I knew at that moment, something had changed with him. Joe and I eased back into our relationship and when my grandfather's health started to fail, Joe was there with me. In October of 1999 when my grandfather died, Joe was there to hold me while I cried and attend the visitation and funeral with me. Joe had definitely changed.
From that moment on we were serious. We moved in together that December of 1999 against my parent's wishes. Ironically Joe's dad, Jim, showed up at my parent's house with a trailer to help move me out of my parents' house and in with Joe and his older brother, Matt.
On January 30th 2000 one year to the day that I mustered up the courage to ask him out, Joe invited me to Diamond Dave's and proposed. Of course I said yes. We got married in 2001 and had Anna the next year. Our life since hasn't been without problems but we have been committed to each other. I often tease Joe that he was a bit of a bonehead (hey I'm keeping it PG here) for the first nine months of our relationship until he pulled his head out of his butt and realized I was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Joe was dealing with some massive wounds after his break up with Kyran's mom. We both had major trust issues and Joe wanted to be with me but was afraid I would hurt him so he hurt me before I could hurt him.
I believe that God wanted us to be together. He didn't say it was going to be easy but love never is. Even our children are difficult to love at times.
So tell me, what are some of the ups and downs of your relationship, was it all sunshine and roses or was there a little drama along the way?
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