A time to be calm and a time to freak out...mommy style

I am going to warn you right now, this is not my normal sunshine and roses post...HA! Who are we kidding, I'm never a sunshine and roses kind of girl. What I want to tell you guys about today is the "mommy freak out".  I pride myself on being a mom with a good balance between the spanking discipline and month long groundings I received as a child and the soft and fluffy "time outs" and the "don't spank your children because it encourages violence" style of parenting.  Neither of those methods were what Joe and I decided for our children, we chose to do timeouts, a lot of minor corrections so the big things would take care of themselves, mild spanking for the major infractions and the occational "mommy freak out".  Yes I said a "mommy freak out"  it's that moment as a mother that you have tried all of the tools in your belt.  To get your children to stop fighting, or to stop messing with the cat and to pick up the hangers up off the floor but you feel like crazy guy walking down the sidewalk talking to himself.  So. You. Lose. It. Words fly out of your mouth at a volume reserved for rock concerts and football games. Language is used that would make a trucker blush, you are having an out of body experience.  During the "mommy freak out" is when the children finally stop fighting and finally pay attention to what you are saying.  Except for this time they have a look of horror and fear on their face that rivals the actresses in Nightmare on Elm Street.  Then comes the tears and the hyperventilating sobs that come as a result of your freak out. But they have finally listened and you....feel like crap.

The last two weeks I have especially noticed my daughter's fighting.  Not ninja style fighting, just nit-picking at each other and arguing.  It is incredibly annoying. I have let them have it out to try to solve it on their own, I have intervened, I have made them sit in a chair and hug each other just so I could get some peace and quiet.  I mean, I do daycare for a living and my kiddos don't make me as nuts as my girls do.

On top of the arguing, we have had the talking back.  I have also prided myself on having open communication with my daughters to explain things to them and let them talk with about anything they want to.  However, they like to take that open communication to the next level and try to do it while they are getting in trouble.  Here's what I mean, I will color code it for you so you can see what DEFCON level we are talking.

"Allie I need you to pick up your back pack and put your shoes away please"
"Ok just sec" Was the yelled reply.  I wait a few minutes
"Allie, I still need you to pick up your back pack and put your shoes away"
"I know" mmmmm hmmm you know...I wait a few more minutes as I continue to clean
"Alivia Claire, shoes. Back pack" I'm starting to get pretty annoyed, I busted out the full name.
"UUUUUGGGGGH.  I was playing a game!!"
"I understand that, but I need these shoes picked up before the puppy gets into them"
"What about Anna!  She's just sitting there, I have to do everything"
"Allie don't worry about Anna, since you are arguing with me you can go and scoop the cat boxes by yourself"  See this conversation is still in yellow, I am not angry, but I am definitely using my serious voice.
"WHAT?!?! That's not fair!!  I have to do everything!!!" Cue the stomp down the hallway groaning.
"Allie come back here"  Notice Allie went straight to DEFCON1 and I took it back a notch.
Cue the stomping back down the hallway. "What!"
"I need you not stomp through my house like that and stop with the groaning or you will pull a consequence"
"Fine!"
"Please go and put the shoes away and then scoop the cat boxes"
Cue the dramatic throwing of the arms and head back and crescendo of groaning while stomping through the house.
"Allie pull a consequence"  (I'll tell you about that in a second) Notice I am even calmer now, this is called the "calm before the freak out"
"WHAT!!!!?????  BWAAAAAAAAAH! AHHHH" Allie has lost it.
And then so do I....I explained it in theory at the beginning, so we don't need to rehash it.

Kind of like this....

I Don't have a "Mommy Freak out" very often, I was sick last week so I think that made me a little quicker to blow.  Afterwards, with the tears from Allie and the guilt from me I felt terrible.  But then something happened.  After everyone had calmed down Allie came to me
"I'm sorry Mama.  I just get so worked up sometimes"
"I'm sorry too baby.  You and your sister have been arguing so much and not listening that I think I finally had enough" I said.
"Daddy said I don't get my Kindle for awhile"  Allie says, thank heavens for a tag team from Joe
"Yes, I heard I think that is for the best"
"Me too.  I love you Mama"  Allie gives me the biggest hug.

This went down Tuesday and today is Sunday.  I haven't had any freak out issues with Allie.  Now the girls are still arguing but they are quicker to respond when Joe or I tell them to cut it out.  We can't be perfect mothers all the time, time outs aren't always the answer and good mothers realize that.  But our guilt over what the "experts" tell us to do and our not measuring up makes us beat ourselves up when we have a "mommy freak out".  Sometimes we have to have a reset button.

When Kim Kardashian was on Ellen on Friday I wanted to go through the screen and....never mind.  She went on and on about how great a mother is and how Kanye doesn't change diapers but she does and just loves that time with her baby.  Now, hearing that knowing how busy Kim is makes me look like an awful mom and child care provider when I dread what is in that diaper and gag when it is a nasty.   We have to learn to not compare ourselves to other moms and especially not celebrities.  Normally moms share the good stuff, we don't like to share our dirty little secrets so others don't think bad of you.

Admit your downfalls as a mother, wife, sister, child of God in general.  Share those things with others so we can relate to one another and bring each other up.  We can't do it alone.

In my house me use a consequence jar.  All we did was take pieces of paper and write chores on them.  Things like:
"Vacuum the refrigerator coils"  NOTE this is very important.
"Dust the livingroom"
"Vacuum the living room"
"Clean up dog poop from backyard"
I also put in a Mercy card that says "God gives us mercy and you have been granted mercy"
There is probably 15 cards in there.  I tell my children when they are misbehaving to pull a consequence and then they have to complete that in addition to their normal chores. Contact me if you want more information.

Tell me about your mommy or daddy "failures" let's discuss.