Are you a storm starter?

Sally 'Storm' Starter

You know when I was in high school I was looking forward to graduating because then I could get away.  Well it wasn't all a nightmare, I actually loved most of high school and made some really great lifelong friends, but I did have to deal with the cliques; the jocks, the preps, cheerleaders, the grunges etc.  I was a band/chorus nerd and was proud of it.

from the cliques and the drama always associated with high school.  The people talking behind everyone's back, the people judging you by what clothes you wore, the way you wore your hair, the activities you did, didn't do, it was a nightmare.  Ok, it wasn't

After I graduated I was looking forward to the new experience that would be college. I saw movies where the college kids gathered on the lawn of the college and played guitar and read and had lunch and everything was sunshine and rainbows.  I couldn't wait to go to college and get into one of those groups!  Until I got there, and I didn't know a soul and there wasn't a guitar player on the lawn.  There wasn't girls holding posters waiting for me to arrive to complete their group.  Looking back now I think this is one of the signs of my social anxiety.  I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone.  I was so excited when someone would actually talk to me, and in that only semester I had at the University of Northern Iowa in Cedar Falls, Iowa I only met a handful of people and alas I ended up flunking out of UNI anyhow and bounced for major to major...that's another drawn out story for another time. I thought working HAD to be better.  I had watched all of these movies about lunch meetings and after work gatherings.

Stirring the pot causing disaster in its wake

So I started working, I had my my fair share of jobs but most of them were working in offices.  I have to admit it was somewhat better than high school...but not much.  There were the "cool" kids that everyone wanted to hang out with which...normally didn't include me.  I vividly remember a woman for the third floor at The Courier (the local newspaper in Waterloo, Iowa) coming down stairs with a box of cookies and giving one to her two friends in my department as well as the Circulation Director.  The cookies were to announce she was pregnant, I will never forget what a loser I felt like sitting at my desk while the other women were screaming and hugging each other at her news.  There were, of course, people at every place I worked at that were storm starters.  They live for trying to find out and exploit information.  You know what I am talking, about the conversation starts out normal;
Sally Stormer Starter "Hi! How are you? Oh my gosh what's with this weather we are having"
Me "I'm good, went shopping for the kids and got my new shoes covered in snow" then the conversation takes a turn...
Sally "Oh that's crazy! You know I was talking to Barb the other day and did you notice her hair?  She colored it..."
Me "I did notice that"
Sally "What do you think of it, you know I love Barb but I seriously think she is trying to hard with her hair style"
Me "Well, maybe the color is a little dark for her skin tone but if she likes it that is up to her"

Next thing you know, there is drama going around that I said that Barb looks and acts like a teenage girl with her hair cut and the color is far too dark and she look like Elvira Princess of Darkness.  WHAT?! I didn't say anything like that. So not only do I have to spend the next six hours saying what I actually DID say but defending what I didn't say.  And we all know that once something is out there already having been said whether it is true or not...people listen.

Within all of these stages in my life there has always been that one person that is a Sally Storm Starter.  They like to be in the center of the drama.  To be that person that like to tell people when they have been talked about, even if they have to over dramatize so they can be there to counsel the person AND gather more information.  It like I discussed in my blog yesterday about cutting people down you can read it by clicking here. By feeding into the circle of drama and not watching our words it ends up being an endless cycle.

It's hard to spot a storm starter and you will quite possibly get burned. But my advice to you, from my own personal experience, is to mind you word.  Don't say anything about another person you wouldn't say if they were standing right in front of you.  And when a storm does get started, remain calm, turn the other cheek and wait for the storm to pass.

Do you know a Sally Storm Starter?  How have you dealt with it?

A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime

Friends come and go in your life. Sometimes there is a clear cut reason why a friendship ends, but others it seems you just grew apart. You meet friends everywhere you go; the grocery store, gas station, work, church, even in line at the DMV (where let's face it everyone seems to be in a bad mood there). Friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you meet your
new friend you never know how long your friend will be in your life. It could be someone you just met in the line a Joann Fabric who smiles at you and picks up a dollar you dropped. She was their for a reason and maybe you will never see her again. Sometimes friends are there for a season, maybe you meet someone to help you get through a difficult time in your life or share a joyous time with you and then for whatever reason you part ways. And then you have friends for a lifetime, the ones who you can call no matter how long it's been and you pick up right where you left off. The trick is you never know if a friend is one for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  This is not my original idea but I have taken this poem to heart:

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person...

"When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

"Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

"Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

"LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

— Unknown

I posted a previous blog about making no one a stranger.  I have taken to that as my motto, you can read that blog by clicking  here. Since I have had so many issues with putting myself out there I have been pushing myself to talk to more and more people.  I learned a valuable lesson from my late friend Mitch Johnson.  Shortly after I met him he starting calling me "best friend Katie", one night I finally asked him why he called me that. He told me "I like everyone, I'm nice to every new person I meet because they could end up being my new best friend." What great words to live by.  

The hardest part of the cycle of friendships is the letting go part, that is definitely something I have to work on, when a season passes, and the friendship has fizzled I need to not force it.  I posted previously about not being able to hate me unless I hate you first and I don't hate anyone.  In that blog I discussed a woman, Barb, in our group of friends that didn't seem to like me so I was extra special nice to her to prove to Barb her first initial opinion of me was wrong.  Now we are friends. 

I tried that same method with another woman, Gail, who I was friends with but for some reason Gail decided she didn't like me.  I tried to be nice to her, saying "hi" to her whenever I saw her.  Taking Romans 12:20 to heart, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."  Well this little nugget backfired and the hot coals I piled upon her head made Gail very angry.  So I learned a lesson, and stopped going out of my way to be nice to her.  I will, however, rise above and not speak poorly about her although I know she is speaking poorly of me.  We all struggle when people talk about us behind or backs, it makes us want to defend ourselves and lash out.  But think of this; If I were to lash out and speak poorly against Gail the way she is doing to me.  I look just as foolish an petty as she is.  However, if I rise above and say nothing, Gail is the one who looks foolish.  Jesus told us to turn the other cheek, and as hard as it is I am turning the other cheek.

Have you ever had a friendship fizzle? How did you deal? Are you one to lash out on the other person or do you turn the other cheek?

Why do we feel that it is ok to cut each other down?

Words to live by...

I'm guilty, I admit it, sometimes I am not a nice person.  Especially to the ones in my household.  I tend to point out the faults of my husband and remind him of these things quite often.  I'm not the type of person that let's people get away with things.

If he forgets to put his laundry away, I tell him.
If he leaves his work clothes laying on the bathroom floor, I tell him.
If he smells stinky, I tell him.
If his hair is jacked up, I tell him.
If sits on the furniture with his work clothes on, I go on and on about how I am the one that cleans it blah blah blah...

And that is just the tip of the iceberg.  Why do I insist on pointing every single thing out wrong that Joe was doing?  With my daughters and others I tend to be a bit gentler (not always with my kids but hey, I did say I wasn't perfect).  But I seem not to be able to let things go.  I feel miserable if I keep things bottled up but I feel miserable knowing I have hurt someone's feelings.  Was there a middle ground?

During my sessions with my counselor and Bible study I discovered just how guilty I was of doing these things and how it could affect the people I was saying it to, especially Joe.  What was my constant fault naming doing to Joe's self esteem? To his feelings towards me? And even more importantly what about my daughters, what was I doing to them? I looked inside and realized that not only was my picking out people's faults a reflection on my own self doubt, but damaging to others. I was reading one of my Bible study's by Joyce Meyer and she states;

I wonder how weary we would be if at the end of each day if God mentioned every tiny thing we did wrong.  He does deal with us, but I am quite sure He also overlooks a lot of things" (Meyer, 2012 p 432).

I have spend time learning better communication with Joe and my daughters "...I was quick to tell everyone about his or her faults, but I have learned that is not pleasing to God.  Just as we want others to give us mercy, we must give it to them" (Meyer, 2012 p 432).  I have learned to let some things go, if there is something bothering me I stop to ask myself how helpful it would be to bring it up.  If I decide it isn't that important I let it go.  Sometimes, when I am really upset I write all of the awful things running through my mind down in my journal and I honestly feel better.  I have said the age old saying before "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" that couldn't be the furthest from the truth.  Words do indeed hurt.  My high school boyfriend told me "your life is going no where and you will never amount to anything" as one of the reasons he was breaking up with me.  We need to be kind to one another.  God didn't create us to be all alike, we need to embrace each others differences and learn from each other.


Are you having trouble giving mercy to someone else?  Tell me your story.

Week two with my little gremlin

Our little cocker spaniel, Molly, is growing by leaps and bounds.  Thankfully we have gotten into a rhythm and schedule.  I know that she is going to want to play and get into everything right when she gets up in the morning.

The best part about our little Molly is that she has decided to explore more. I say that with extreme sarcasm. When we first got Molly,  I was so impressed that when we took her outside she didn't wander, she just did her business and she climbed up the back stairs when she was done.  Great!  Best puppy EVER! Until Mondat: First, let me set this up for you.  Right now, in the Midwest we are in the middle of an arctic plunge, the coldest temperatures in 20 years.  Monday night the temperature got to -20 F with wind chills -50 F, schools were called off across the state.  The news stations are warning us to bundle up and to take care of your pets.  +Joe Egloff  and I were discussing allowing the dogs to go potty on puppy pads so they didn't have to go outside.  Well, we discovered the frigid temperatures did not bother our dogs.  Especially little Molly.  She thought Monday was a perfect opportunity to explore the yard.  Particularly a leaf that was blowing across the yard.  One moment we were in the approved area getting doing our potty business and all of the sudden "LEAF!!" and Molly chased after it. Mind you I am fighting a wicked sinus infection (read all about that drama here An Ode to Joe) and this is when my puppy wants to run across the yard and explore.

I've said this before, but living life with a puppy is just like living life with a new baby.  With the exception I can lock this baby in a cage without DHS knocking on my door.  I have found I have to do all of my chores, internet posting, knitting etc when my puppy is asleep.  I do give her a bit of crate time each day so she gets used to it and let me tell you when that puppy sleeps or is in her kennel I breathe a sigh of relief.  A sleeping puppy is not pooping on the floor, or finding screws, or tiny pieces of coax (yes that is cable line, Joe mounted the TV in our bedroom and had to run different coax, some how Molly has found all the tiny pieces) to chew on.  The best is when she finds yarn and I am trying to pull out this big wad of yarn out while trying not to be torn to ribbons reaching into her mouth because a puppy's teeth are like needles.  Sharp, pointy needles.

This is the way we take a nap

When we started talking about getting another dog Anna was very insistent that she wanted Molly to be her dog.  Everyone else in the family has an animal that has attached to them.  Emma is Joe's, (fat) Lily is Allie's and Knoxville is mine.  Oliver mostly loves Joe but doesn't sleep with anyone, he is way too cool for that. So Anna felt left out on the four legged animal love fest.  Well, in order to have an animal bond with you, you have to be their primary care giver.  The one who takes them outside, trains them, sleeps with them, comforts them, disciplines them.  Well.....Molly has attached to me. The novelty of the new puppy worn off in the first 72 hours of Molly living with us, so who was their to pick up the slack?  Your's truly....and +Joe Egloff. Thankfully Anna is ok with it because after she realized how exhausting the task of taking on such a responsibility, she was happy to let me have the crown (and we all know how much I like crowns, let us pause while I do my hair flip and beauty queen wave.....)

On that note, I can not tell you how CUTE it is to have this little puppy sit at my feet and whimper for me to pick her up so she can sit with me in my chair.  Or how adorable it is when one of the cats bats at her, she rushes to me for comfort.


In Molly's week with us, she has gotten pretty brave in terms of the cats.  Knoxville tolerates her and will even partake in a game of girls chase boys (meaning Molly chases Knoxville) at least until Knoxville gets tired of it and jumps out of her reach.  Oliver kind of digs the play time.  However (fat) Lily haaaaaates Molly.  With a passion reserved for the Hatfields and McCoys.  I mean we are talking some serious hate.  (fat) Lily felt the same way when we brought Knoxville home two years ago and has barely begun to tolerate his existence so...it could be a long row to hoe with (fat) Lily and Molly.

Yesterday, we leash trained, she is pretty stubborn and refused to go potty while on the leash but wouldn't go in the house.  Guess who won THAT battle of wills.  That's right, your's truly.    I worked with her on the "come" command as she picked it up very quickly.  I'm impressed with how intelligent and willing to learn this dog is.  I've read different articles about cocker spaniels and their willingness to be an eager learner.  How right they were,  we have had a few bumps in the road but I have learned a lot along the way.  She is learning so quickly I am starting to feel like the Dog Whisperer....I know, I need to calm that image down.

So an easier week. I am greatly looking forward to 20 F ABOVE zero later this week, heat wave!!

What are some lessons you have learned while rearing a puppy?

An ode to my husband Joe

So my husband puts up with a lot, I mean, hey he's married to me.  Those of you who know me and have talked to me personally know me as a pretty high energy kind of woman.  I talk with my hands and tell really animated dramatic stories.  Hey I'm an actress what can I say.  Most of the time when I get going on a story with a group of our friends +Joe Egloff  just let's me go, shakes his head and I think smiles...on the inside.

  Photo by +Katie McBride photography

I would consider myself a strong willed woman, I'm fairly independent however I depend on my husband's help for a lot of things.  Nothing can be truer than when I am sick.  I am quite possibly the biggest, whiniest, neediest baby that ever lived when I am sick.  Now I am talking really sick not a tiny little cold sick because that would just be pitiful. Joe, however, is not.  In fact, I remember when Joe had sinus surgery a few years ago and being woke up the morning after his surgery by his smiling face (of course with a nose bleed guard under his nose looped around his ears and gauze up his nose) with coffee and a "Good morning, how did you sleep?"  Of course with all the stuff in his nose is was a tad muffled.  Plug your nose and then say, "Good morning, how did you sleep" and that is what he sounded like.  I was floored, I was supposed to be taking care of him and here he was mobile less than 24 hours after surgery getting ME coffee.  Granted two days later he was down for the count but he still would barely let me take care of him.

Last winter, I came down with Influenza A, yes the dreaded flu.  I tried to push through, not realizing it was the flu.  I was in the last few performances of Christmas Crackers when it came on.  I remember barely being able to get on stage to say my few lines.  In fact I missed the final performance because my breathing was so bad.  Joe had to take me to the emergency room because I was in such breathing distress.  I have rarely seen my husband scared but he was that night.  Thinking what was wrong with me was more serious, we were relieved when it turned out to be Influenza.  Joe took care of me.  Until he succumbed to Influenza as well, except he was 90 minutes away in Lisbon, Iowa working.  He tried to tough it out in his hotel room.  When I finally got a hold of him he told me "I'm fine, I'm just running a fever and I'm really cold but I'm laying in bed so I'm fine"  I knew how miserable he was, having been their myself just 48 hours previously and yet he never asked for help.  Thankfully I was at least able to sit and drive.  I loaded up Anna (who came down with the flu the day before) all of our pills and went down to rescue the man who never needs rescued.

This last Black Friday (yes I am one of those crazy people that goes out black Friday shopping and I drag my husband with me because he is a prince) on the drive home at 5:00 in the morning, driving my mom's car with her asleep in the back I have to pull over to get sick.  I was literally a block from my parents house but I couldn't make it.  I had gotten the dreaded stomach bug that was going around my daughters' school.  Here I am, in some random driveway, squatted, getting sick, in the freezing cold and listening to a rooster crow in the black of night. My husband gets out of the car to hold my hair back. This flu was so horrible all I could say was
"I'm gonna die.  I'm gonna die"  (imagine this is the whiniest most pitiful voice ever) Joe replies
"You're not going to die" (imagine this spoken in the most patient voice one would use with a child)
"Yes I am" (again super whiny)

Joe gets me cleaned up and into my mom's car, gets me home and tucked into bed only to be awoke by me getting sick...again.  Same line of conversation as above.  Now let me remind you, we have both been awake for close to 24 hours.  Joe didn't complain once about being tired or bothered by taking care of me.  He never does.

Photo by Katie McBride Photography

I have been battling a head cold for the last couple weeks.  I have asthma and I tend to have a lot of trouble with sinus infections moving into my lungs.  Well, yesterday I couldn't take it anymore, I felt awful and so did my oldest daughter, Anna, so she and I bundled up and went to the doctor.  (we bundled up because here in the Midwest we are having some of the coldest temperatures in 20 years!  Our low last night was -20 degrees F) both of us were diagnosed with sinus infections and I got a shot of steroids because I wasn't breathing well.  After driving to the pharmacy across town then driving 40 minutes back to Parkerburg, I realized I was coming down with a migraine.  Not a bad headache that people call a migraine.  I am talking a real true need to go to the emergency room migraine.  I had the aura, the nausea, sensitivity to light and sound.  I had to lay in my room in complete darkness.  In fact, the headache was so bad, my youngest daughter Allie had to cover up the clock radio in my room plus the space heater was emitting light so that had to be covered up too.

I later thought I was going to be sick so I went into the bathroom, no lights on and sat on the floor and prayed for...anything that would make me feel better.  I guess I ended up half asleep laying on the toilet, lid down of course.  Joe found me and helped me to bed.  Luckily I had medicine here at home that helped with the migraine but I needed Joe's help.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I love this bible verse, I know that I am not always patient and neither is Joe. I realize I have painted him as a prince that does no wrong, which couldn't be further from the truth.  Let's face it there are some days you wake up doe eyed in love and there are some days you wake up feeling like Madea and "aboust to choke the life right out 'a him".  (If you don't know what I am talking you need to watch Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection.  Hilarious).

At the end of January it will have been 15 years since I got up the nerve to ask out the cute US Cellular guy across the hall from the hair salon where I was working at the time.  ( I will share that story at a later time)  I thank God for giving me the courage because this man has turned out to be a pretty good catch.

How are you when you are sick?
Love Always Wins
Katie 

My first day home alone with the gremlin

Today is my first day home alone with our little gremlin.  Going back to work after being off for five days would normally be an exciting endeavor.  I like my time off work, but gosh it seems like when the whole family is home nothing gets done.  I feel like going back to work is my time to clean the house and take care of my housewife duties while hanging out with my babies.  Well.....here is how my first day back to work with the gremlin, our cocker spaniel, Molly went...

• Alarm goes off at 6:45 a.m. look over realize that; 1) Molly is awake and 2) Allie is in bed with me..when did that happen??
• Hurry up run to the bathroom to pee because there is NO way I can stand in the cold waiting for the puppy to pee while I have to pee.
• Grab Molly take her outside.  Did a pee and a poop (score!) back inside.
• Wake Allie up
• Find Molly chewing on a sock, take sock away.  Give Molly puppy food.
• Wake Allie up again
• Find Molly eating the cat food
• Tell Anna to hurry up in the shower (on a positive note she did get up on her own this morning)
• Take puppy outside again.  Did a tiny pee (yay)
• Realize Joe didn't make coffee this morning, not time to make a fresh pot so I pulled the grounds out from yesterday and ran yesterday morning's coffee through the pot again.
• Allie comes out to the kitchen looking for her "Cat-attitude" shirt she got for Christmas that she HAD to wear today (I think Joe even did a special load of laundry to get said shirt clean) I send her to look in her room and upstairs toy room where we fold laundry.
• Coffee is finally done, pour in my special blend of creamer and Miralax (yes I have a poop problem) where's Molly? Trying to play with (fat) Lily.  Lily hisses at Molly, Molly yelps like she is being slaughtered.
• 7:04 a.m. Allie is losing her mind looking for her "Cat-attitude" top she HAS to wear to school today.  I head to the laundry room, tell Anna, who is finally out of the shower, I was coming in.  "MOM!  I am buck naked" My response "Well, cover it up"  Head in the laundry room and look in the drier.  Find the shirt.  WHEW crisis avoided!
• 7:08 a.m. First daycare kids arrive.  Grab Molly, who is still whining from her near death experience with the cat.  Have a tiny break when +Leia Shirk holds the puppy.  Introduce Molly to Wes and Olivia, Leia's kids and two of my favorite daycare kids (they are all my favorite)
• Pull out pentagon play pen (lovingly called the pigpen) for the toddlers and get toys into pigpen.
• 7:18 a.m Need more coffee, top off my cup with what's left in the pot.  Where's the puppy.  Chewing on Allie's hair...again.  Pull Molly out of hair and re-direct with chew toy.
• Have Anna take Molly outside (she peeded and pooped!  My God how much poop is inside this dog)
•  Kids take turns entertaining Molly.  Anna finally decides to dry her hair.  Thankfully both girls are dressed.  I take two minutes to change out of my pajamas and into my uniform of yoga pants and a sweatshirt.  As I am putting my shirt on Molly comes tearing down the hallway, into my room, followed by all the kids.  Ok, first day back to work and all the kids have seen me in my bra...again.
• 7:32 a.m Kids start putting their 29 layers on to head to school.  
• Take Molly outside again, did a tiny pee (this is getting old)
• 7:40 a.m kids head to school.  Molly is whining, take her outside again, into the cat food again. Finally get smart and pick up the cat food.  Get Molly into the kennel.
• Help Anna get her bag ready for school, ask her if she has breakfast.  Find Anna a cereal bar. Take Anna to the high school to get on the bus.
• Get home let Molly out of the kennel. Go outside again.
• Sit down drink a little more coffee.  Finally put the Molly on a leash to keep her with me.  Try to convince Molly not to chew on the leash.  Yes I just admitted to talking to the dog.
• Next day care kids arrive put in pigpen.
• 8:15 a.m change a poopy diaper. Gross
• Take Molly outside 25 more times just to tinkle the tiniest little bit and play in the snow.  During one of those times outside I realize my yoga pants are too thin to be standing outside in the snow.  I can't find my long john's so I put on two pairs of yoga pants. Epic ingenuity I think.
• Next daycare baby arrives, introduce to puppy then put in pigpen
• 9:30 a.m. Need to change another poopy diaper, during which I am trying to keep track of Molly, keep Molly out of baby wipes and poopy diaper.  My cell phone rings I can't answer, get the poopy and puppy all worked out.  House phone rings, can't find it my cordless phone, lose the puppy, answer phone, find Molly, tell friend I'm too busy to talk, feel like an epic jerk.  
• Molly has another run in with the cats, at least this time she tried to play with them and not run away yelping like the cat tried killing her.
• I sit down, puppy takes a nap

This is just a tiny snippet of my first day home alone with Molly.  I know it seems like a lot and that I might be losing my mind with frustration.  But, through all this I never lost my temper, I never felt like I was going to lose my temper.  I knew that getting a new puppy was going to be a challenge and when we discussed getting her Joe and I knew we would be up for the challenge. As I sit here writing this at 2:30 in the afternoon, my little gremlin has been asleep on the couch for the last two hours.  I emailed +Joe Egloff  and told him I needed him to have a smile on his face when he got home and to sweep in an be on puppy duty all the while telling me how amazing I am.

Do you have any words of encouragement for this new chapter in our lives?

Love Always Wins,

Katie

The green monster that is jealousy...

Disney's "The Little Mermaid"

I have a great life, it's not perfect.  Joe and I have had our share of problems: financially, emotional, illness, children (we all know that having kids is an umbrella of great joy and hair-pulling problems).  In the fifteen years Joe and I have been together we've had jobs and lost jobs.  Joe has been the main bread winner at times, then I have, then back to Joe...we have flip-flopped a few times.  I'm very fortunate to have a nice home that Joe and I worked hard together to make it our own.  Our daughters are healthy, responsible beautiful souls.  But like Ariel in Disney's "The Little Mermaid" I want more.....

I look at what other people and compare what I have versus what they have.  I find myself measuring myself up to other people to determine my own self worth;

Oh the Jones' have new furniture so my slip covered hand-me-downs are inadequate....I'm such a loser.
Oh the Millers just bought a new fifth wheel and we still have our pop-up camper...we are losers
The Smiths have a brand new mini-van and ours is a 2005 with over a 100,000 miles....epic losers

Or it goes this way
Hmm their pop-up doesn't have air conditioning...Winning!
Oh look at the rusted out van they are driving!  Ours is better.  Winners!
Their furniture doesn't even match!  Supreme winners!!

But, seriously why does it matter?? We don't know the situation of each person.  Maybe with all of the great stuff they have, there is also massive credit card debt and loan payments. Maybe the rusted out van is paid off and like us they are driving their paid off vehicle until it dies. This comparing myself to other people is one of the most unhealthy thing I have discovered I do to myself.

Jealousy is an evil, evil monster. I did a little Google research on jealousy and envy and here is the simplest verse I found:

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice" James 3:16

 Basically we need to be thankful for what we have or we will be miserable. If you spend the majority of your time comparing what you have to what other's have you aren't really living your life, you are too busy being jealous or feeling superior to others. In my struggle with social anxiety and depression I have what I call "battles with myself"  I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep and beat myself up in my mind.  One side of my brain is saying
 "nice jeans you were wearing today, too bad they were too tight and everyone could see your mom-roll and Sally looked amazing in her jeans"
Other side "seriously? Who cares!  Sally is 23 and hasn't had two kids.  You are 35 and look good for your age, give yourself a break!"

Most of you know that I read a devotional (or a couple) each day.  In Joyce Meyer's "Trusting God Day by Day" she talks about being happy for other people.  We all have that friend, when you share amazing news or a great story they respond not with joy but negativity.  I shared my story of Joyce The Woman God Sent to Me to one of my friends and she responded;

"Geez I wish someone would do something like that for me"

 I was thrown aback a bit and couldn't believe that my friend wasn't thrilled with my blessing.  "These responses indicate a spirit of jealousy or some deep-seated feeling that she believes she is not getting what she deserves in life" (Meyer, 2012 p 430). Joyce goes onto say that an attitude like that makes me not want to share the blessings in my life because of fear of more negativity.  No one likes someone to rain on their parade.  But honestly, the person with the negativity needs us to share our blessings the most.  As hard as it is to hear their negative responses it is our job to help them find the blessings in their life.

What kind of difficulty have you had with jealousy?  Do you have that one person filled with negativity?

Blessings
Katie

References
Meyer, Joyce (2012), "Trusting God Day by Day" Published by FaithWords Hachette Book Group, New York, NY